Control Infirmity Defiance
by psycochick32
Summary: Control: Losing it, gaining it, finding one’s self. Infirmity: Discovering one’s weakness, turning it into strength. Defiance: Even when destiny is one’s enemy. When one detail of the timeline is altered, everyone must deal with the consequences.
1. Chapter 1

Control. Infirmity. Defiance.

Chapter 1: Unexpected Assistance

* * *

Kagome clenched her fists. What was she supposed to be feeling right now?

'_I… wasn't able to save Kikyou…?'_ The thought that she would fail, the thought that she _could_ fail hadn't even crossed her mind in her desperate flight up and down the steps of Mount Azusa. Seeing Kikyou's face darken in pain, Kagome felt as though she were the one about to shatter. Worse than knowing she failed, worse than the guilt she felt at her own selfishness on the mountain, even worse than the helplessness of knowing Kikyou was in pain and there wasn't a _darned_ thing she could do about it was the absolute loss and agony she could see in InuYasha's amber eyes.

Even closing her eyes, she couldn't block out his pain; his anguished face was burned into her retinas as though she were going blind. Was that all she'd see for the rest of her days? InuYasha clutching Kikyou as though he could hold her soul in the clay body through sheer force, turning away from the group to hide the tears she _knew_ he was shedding, replayed over and over in her head like a sick movie?

"I'm sorry…" InuYasha was choking on his own words, "Could you leave the two of us alone?" Kagome suddenly realized she would do anything, _absolutely anything_ to take that pained expression off his face.

"No!" The tingling warmth that filled her entire body became too much to control. As though her body was acting of its own volition, Kagome launched herself at her preincarnation and the hanyou she loved. Sango, Miroku and Kouga stared in confusion. InuYasha himself was so shocked he didn't move, only grunting slightly at the force with which she hurled herself at them. Kagome didn't notice she had begun to glow a bright pink.

Kikyou's eyes widened at the little miko's actions. "Kagome… you cannot think to…"

"I don't _know _what I'm thinking," Kagome spat out, more harshly than she intended. "I don't know that I _am_ thinking." The pure burn of Kagome's aura became too much for the hanyou, who had to set down the women before he found himself trapped in his vulnerable human state.

A corporeal glow, thicker than fog and blue-tinted, formed around the two women. Kagome's pink aura merged with Kikyou's bluer one in a blinding purple flash.

When everybody could look up again, the two lay next to each other. Kikyou's breath came in rattling gasps, but the ever-growing scent of death had dissipated, leaving only her usual grave-soil scent mixed with her natural one. On the other hand, Kagome was so pale her skin was nearly translucent. She panted in deep, shuddering breaths, clutching her chest, tears leaking through eyes clenched tightly shut.

"We must… get to… my sister's home…" Kikyou stumbled a bit over her words, but she no longer seemed to be hovering on the verge of death. Next to her, Kagome had begun to go still. InuYasha nodded, looking over to Sango and Kirara. Kouga made a motion to pick Kagome up as InuYasha grabbed Kikyou again, but Miroku put his hand on the youkai prince's shoulder.

"You're still recovering from having your jewel shards ripped out, Kouga. I'm afraid time is of the essence." Kouga looked for a moment as though he would argue with the monk, but reluctantly agreed. He could hear how sluggishly Kagome's heart was beating. Promising to swing by later, Kouga took off in the opposite direction.

-888-

"What did Kagome do, Miroku?" Sango asked over her shoulder as Kirara flew toward the village. Transformed into a bird, Shippou kept sneaking worried looks at his mother-figure, lying still in Sango's arms. Sango shifted, concern flooding through her veins. Kagome was like her sister; she was already so close to losing Kohaku, could she lose the girl who'd come so close to her?

"I'm not sure. Whatever she did wiped her out, though. It's obvious she purified some of the miasma from Lady Kikyou's wounds, but have you also noticed how none of her Shini-dama-chuu have appeared? It's as though she no longer requires souls to stay alive."

Sango gasped. In the rush to make sure Kagome was comfortable for the trip back, she hadn't noticed the disappearance of the worm-like youkai. Now, though, their absence left a foreboding feeling in the taijya's gut. As though he sensed her change of mood, _'He probably did,'_ she reminded herself, Miroku tightened his hold on the woman. She leaned back into his soothing embrace for just a moment before resting her hand on Kagome's forehead. The girl was cool to the touch: too cool.

"InuYasha, we have to hurry! Let's go, Kirara." With a roar, the two-tail surged forward in a burst of fire and speed.

-888-

Kaede's sharp intake of breath as she inspected her sister both physically and spiritually did not go unnoticed by any of the group.

"What? What's wrong?" InuYasha's nerves were shot straight to hell, having watched the woman he loved nearly die; only to be apparently saved by the other woman he loved. Now on one side of the hut, Kagome slept, unresponsive, and Kikyou was too weak to explain what the younger miko had done. "Miroku and Kaede were forced to probe Kagome's aura in hope of finding answers after coaxing a revitalizing tea down her throat."

"Nothing's wrong, per say, InuYasha. It is simply… Kikyou, you say Kagome did this of her own accord?"

Kikyou managed a nod as InuYasha fumed. "Oi! What did Kagome do to her?"

Kagome's eyes opened weakly at his outburst, his anger and pain drawing her from dark unconsciousness. She mistook his frustration in not knowing what had occurred as anger. Kagome's first thought upon waking was that even in saving Kikyou, she couldn't make InuYasha happy. The thought lingered as she felt her grasp on wakefulness slipping again. "InuYasha…" Kagome muttered her hanyou's name painfully as she lost her battle with sleep.

"Kagome! What did you do? Why did you do it?" His anxious eyes swept over the miko's once again still form, noting worriedly that she had fallen asleep again.

"Do not wake her, InuYasha. She will need her rest. Kagome has accomplished something I have never before seen. She has… I assume willingly… transferred a larger part of the soul she shares with Kikyou into this clay body." Kaede's voice was tinged with shock. She was unsure how the little miko had completed the task. "Not only that, but she has created a type of barrier tying the soul to the body for now."

Miroku lifted his head. "Is that why the soul collectors are no longer hovering near Lady Kikyou? Because Kagome's soul is large enough to fill the body?"

Kaede nodded. "But the barrier is weak and fluctuating. I believe Kagome will need to strengthen it when she awakens."

"When will that be, old hag?" InuYasha's brash demeanor was made less threatening by the confusion and fear evident in his eyes. That he wasn't hiding his emotions at the moment was a shock to his travel companions, but they all knew how much he cared for the two incapacitated women.

"I know not, InuYasha. Kagome used almost all her strength: she is untrained and should not have been able to do what she did. She will most likely sleep for a long while and remain tired for many days." Kaede sighed, sitting somewhat heavily near the fire, staring into its depths. "I do not know how this soul transfer will affect either my sister... or Kagome."

"What do you mean?" Kaede had brought up what Shippou feared the most. "Will they be different now?"

"Keh. They're two completely different people who happened to share a soul. How could this affect who they are?" InuYasha's eyebrow was twitching, a sure sign that an explosion was imminent.

Miroku looked up at the hanyou. "This is true; they are most certainly two very different women. However, in Lady Kagome's haste, she may have transferred not just part of a soul, but part of herself into Lady Kikyou. Remember, Lady Kagome is untrained, but exceedingly powerful."

Kaede nodded. "We will not know until Kagome awakens what the repercussions of her actions may be. Perhaps they will not manifest themselves right away. It is too soon to tell much."

Kikyou groaned a little bit, shifting to get comfortable. "Only Kagome will be able to reinforce this barrier that ties me to this world. It is something unique. I wonder if she remembers how she did it."

"I want to know _why_ she did it!" InuYasha nearly bellowed, only belatedly remembering to keep his voice down.

Kikyou let out a quiet laugh, sounding tired but somehow happier than she ever had before. "For a moment as she worked to heal me, I was connected with her very being. The only thing she was thinking was that losing me would destroy you. Dear InuYasha, she was only thinking about making you smile again."

This revelation sent nearly everybody reeling.

Shippou gazed worriedly at the woman he had come to mentally call "Okaa-san." _'Kagome's heart is so big. She's in love with InuYasha and still risked her life to save that stupid Kikyou!'_

Out of the way, Sango also reflected on her best friend's huge heart. She could see Miroku felt the same way she did as he looked admiringly at the young woman from the future. _'Kagome has shed so many tears over InuYasha's obsession with Kikyou. If I were in her place, I don't think I could have saved my rival. Yet, she gave her very soul to try to make InuYasha smile again.'_

InuYasha wasn't smiling, nor was Kaede. The elderly miko worried about the consequences of Kagome's actions. This construct of clay and bones, though it housed her sister's soul, was _not_ the woman of fifty years past. Though she had always harbored a wish to see her sister again, she wished Kikyou could finally rest as she should have originally been allowed to. Urasue's black magic had been allowed to continue on far too long.

InuYasha finally got up from his spot next to Kikyou, walking the few steps to kneel next to Kagome. The little miko's face was contorted, as though she was under a heavy strain or in great pain. His back to the rest of the group, nobody saw the concern in his eyes.

'_Kagome, did you really do this for me? Why? You… stupid, stupid girl… What have you done to yourself?'_

-888-

Kagome awoke late the next morning. Upon opening her eyes, she discovered splitting pain of a headache so intense it was all she could do to close her eyes again. If it hadn't been for her voracious hunger, she would have vaguely wondered if someone had spiked her... whatever she'd had to drink the night before. Shippou, charged with keeping an eye on his foster-mother, scampered over from where he sat coloring as she let out a pained groan.

"Are you okay, Kagome? You shouldn't get up yet. Kaede says you'll need to eat something. They gave you a funny tea yesterday, but she said that wasn't really filling and that you should have real food now." Shippou was digging in the big yellow backpack now as he jabbered excitedly to his mother-figure, thrilled she had awoken. "At least you weren't all beat up, right? You just need energy! I don't think InuYasha will mind too much if we give you some of his ramen." He turned back to Kagome and noticed she'd started to slip out from under her blankets. "Stay there, Kagome! I can do it!" He awaited her small nod of approval at his choice in food, and then answered her unasked questions.

"Kaede is making her rounds, checking on the villagers. Kikyou went to gather herbs; I think InuYasha went to guard her. Kikyou's still kind of weak you know, but Miroku says you helped her a lot!" He took a deep breath as he poured the now boiling water into the cup, letting it sit while he dug in the oversize bag for a pair of chopsticks. "Miroku and Sango went hunting for dinner tonight. We're going to have to eat really good to get up our strength and make sure we're ready for any battles that come our way!" His chest puffed out proudly. "Oh, and they're making sure there're no youkai around. They're worried that Naraku will find out that Kikyou didn't really die and come here to try and finish her off! He might even try to kill you because you saved her!" The kit's tail twitched in terror at the thought.

Shippou stared at the steaming cup of noodles, biting his lip. "Sango and Kikyou were talking about trying to find Kohaku. His scent disappeared with Sesshomaru's, I think. Earlier today though, the air… kinda smelled like Sesshomaru and another youkai, InuYasha said. He thought about going to check it out when you're feeling better."

Kagome managed a weak smile as he proudly handed her the offering, having wrapped up his recitation of recent events. "Why don't you check and see if there's any pocky left in my bag, Shippou?"

He turned sparkling wide eyes on her, "Even though it's before midday?"

Kagome nodded. "That's right. You've been a great deal of help to me so far."

Shippou puffed out his little chest with pride, bringing a small smile to Kagome's face as he raced to the corner to get his treat. Box in hand, he contemplated the treat before joining her on her blankets and offering her a few sticks. "You can have some of my treat, Kagome," he offered with the air of somebody going incredibly out of their way. "After all, you were really helpful, too… you kept Kikyou alive, even if dog-boy can't properly show his appreciation." He munched on a stick before adding, "And you need to get strong like me!"

-888-

"InuYasha! Don't worry, I'm fine." Kikyou's voice, carried on the wind, held a happiness Miroku had never really heard in her voice before. _'I suppose she may have been that happy while she was alive,'_ the monk mused, _'perhaps it is a reflection of the warmth of Kagome's soul?'_

InuYasha held out his hand to the resurrected miko, who had stumbled while walking up the path to Kaede's hut. "I just don't want you to strain yourself." His gaze shifted from the miko next to him to the hut, ears perked. _'I don't know if Kagome can heal you again.'_

Sniffing the air, the hanyou knew Miroku, Sango and Kirara had landed nearby and called out a greeting. Miroku returned it as Sango slung two deer carcasses off Kirara's back. "This should make a substantial meal."

Kikyou smiled. "Kagome will need a good meal to help build her strength back up. Good food and rest are the best remedies right now, as well as time. I've gathered herbs to make her a restorative drink, as well."

Miroku almost chuckled at the confused look on the hanyou's face as he gazed at Kikyou. InuYasha almost looked as though he was meeting Kikyou for the first time, and, in a way, he was. InuYasha had known and loved Kikyou in her prime, when she was the revered miko who purified and protected the Shikon no Tama. Though he never said so, it was obvious InuYasha truly cared for the miko's reincarnation, who was bubblier and more outgoing than Kikyou would have ever allowed herself to be.

Nobody was quite sure how InuYasha felt about the resurrected Kikyou, but it was obvious he felt at the very least a deep sense of responsibility toward her. Once reanimated Kikyou had been free to act as she saw fit, but had also been fueled by hatred and a need for revenge. Now, with more of Kagome's soul, she seemed happier; more approachable and relaxed. This was obviously throwing InuYasha for a loop, and he was unsure how to respond.

InuYasha's ears turned toward the hut as all of them heard Shippou's voice rise in a pitiful shout. The hanyou growled quietly, stalking up to the door just as Kagome began to walk out.

"Shippou, I'm just fine! If you don't stop pushing on me, though, I'm going to trip! Will you please just let me-" Her protests were cut off quickly as she put actions to words and stumbled and fell into InuYasha's waiting arms.

"Oi, wench! What the hell do you think you're doing?" InuYasha seemed close to carrying her back inside. Kagome must have sensed his intentions, because she began to struggle against his grip.

"Oh, come on! I'm not the one who was hurt last night! I'm just fine! See? I need to move around some, my legs are getting cramped up just lying around!" Unfortunately for Kagome, her strength was nothing compared to InuYasha's, who simply moved with her efforts so as not to tire her out.

"C'mon Ka-Go-Me; we're going to make some dinner. You need to eat." He let go of Kagome's wrists as she threw her arms in the air. Still, InuYasha was pleased to see her turn around and head back into the hut, muttering under her breath about overprotective youkai and hanyou and stupid men.

-888-

Shortly after nightfall, Kagome moved to sit next to Kikyou at Kaede's encouragement. Her lips were pale, pressed tightly together as she took a seat next to the calmer miko. "We should do this while your body has enough energy to do so. Are you ready?" Kaede asked, staring Kagome in the eyes. The younger girl worried her bottom lip, shifting her weight from one side to the other before finally nodding weakly.

InuYasha glanced at each miko in turn, finally focusing on Kagome as he cocked his head. "Kagome?" There was a wealth of questions in that one word, but as always, Kagome understood. She smiled softly at him. "It's fine, InuYasha. Kaede has talked to me about what I have to do. It's just-" She gulped, staring at her hands with a bit of trepidation. "…I've never done this before."

Miroku chuckled. "Nobody has, Lady Kagome. You're in uncharted territory."

Kagome rolled her eyes and responded dryly. "Thanks, Miroku. It's really encouraging to know that if I mess up, nobody can fix it."

"There's nothing to worry about. You instinctually created this barrier; I have no doubt you will be able to strengthen it on instinct, as well," Kaede responded, moving with Miroku to sit closer to the two women. Miroku was about to place his hands on Kagome's shoulders for support when a low growl filled the room.

"InuYasha, you wound me!"

"I'll wound you, all right! Watch the hands, monk!"

Miroku raised his eyes to the heavens for guidance, then motioned to the women. "Perhaps you would like to help instead, InuYasha? I am simply here to help support Lady Kagome in this first night of strengthening the barrier. I am sure Lady Kagome would appreciate your help…"

Kagome blushed at the suggestion, while the hanyou turned his face away so nobody could see the similar look on his face. InuYasha took a second to weigh the options. On one hand, he'd be touching Kagome with everybody around, and in front of Kikyou, and he was always confused when the two of them were near each other. On the other hand, he'd be touching Kagome… and the monk _wouldn't_ be. InuYasha swiftly shouldered the monk out of the way.

"What do I have to do?"

Behind InuYasha, Miroku grinned at Sango and Shippou; all three were pleased to see InuYasha taking a part in the process. Perhaps Kagome would be bolstered by the hanyou's willingness to be near her in front of Kikyou? _'One can hope, at least.'_

"Simply place your hands on her shoulders, InuYasha. Don't squeeze, but put enough pressure for her to know you're there." InuYasha's skin looked like it was reflecting his haori as he grasped the girl's shoulders with his calloused palms.

"Keh. What's the point?" InuYasha tried not to sound as curious as he really was about the process.

"You are acting as Kagome's anchor, InuYasha." Kaede spoke from Kikyou's shoulder. "You will be there to provide something for Kagome's soul to latch onto if necessary, so she doesn't inadvertently merge more of her soul with Kikyou's body. Any more could prove dangerous to her. Are you ready to begin, Kagome?"

Kagome nodded, closing her eyes. She started to glow a pale pink, and InuYasha's hands shot up off her shoulders. "Oi, wait! I'm not gonna get purified, am I?"

Kikyou laughed, a fairly unfamiliar noise to most in the hut. "No, InuYasha; Kagome will not purify you. Do not be concerned."

Kagome turned to face him, obviously hurt. The message was clear: _"Would I ever willingly hurt you?"_ It was like she was speaking to him mentally. InuYasha shifted a bit at the insinuation before meeting her eyes, a small smile on his face, and reaching to smooth back a lock of hair from her face. He caught himself just before his knuckles brushed her cheeks; flushed slightly, he changed the direction of his hand to grasp her shoulder, twisting her back around. Staring straight ahead, unwilling to see if the lecher had caught his near indiscretion, he squeezed her shoulder encouragingly. "Okay, go ahead, wench."

Kaede smiled. "Kagome, close your eyes and look for the barrier you've placed inside Kikyou's body."

InuYasha tried, _kami help him_, he really did, but he couldn't bite back his comment fast enough. "Feh! You tell her to close her eyes but then to look for something? Make up your mind!"

Kagome's shoulders shook, and InuYasha quickly sniffed the air for any tell-tale signs of tears, wondering quickly what he could have said to make Kagome upset. Then he realized she was smothering an outbreak of giggles and felt only a bit better. _'They're laughing at me, damn it! But at least Kagome's smiling again; she was too quiet at dinner. Something's bugging her.'_

"It was a bad choice of words, InuYasha. I should have said 'search.'" She stifled her quiet chuckles before clarifying, motioning with her hand as she added, "What Kagome is looking for is a spiritual barrier; she is seeking it with her miko's aura."

"Keh."

"Have you anymore questions, InuYasha? Or may we continue?" Kaede narrowed her gaze on InuYasha.

Kagome could feel InuYasha bristling behind her. "Let's do this," she interrupted. "Kikyou's getting weaker." She closed her eyes, taking one of Kikyou's hands, and began to glow pink as her aura rose up to greet the other part of her soul.

InuYasha's eyes grew wide as the aura began to detach itself from the younger miko. Kagome began to slump slightly. Miroku grew alarmed, "Stop her, InuYasha!"

"Oi, wench! Just the barrier. She don't need any more of your soul." He tightened his hold on her as he could almost _feel_ her soul slipping out from her body. He was relieved when she straightened under her own strength a moment later.

"Mmkay… I've found the barrier. I just pour strength into it until it glows solid again, right?" Kagome's voice sounded strained as she waited for the affirmative from Kaede. With Kaede's acknowledgment, Kagome's glow flickered; a moment later, Kikyou began to radiate the same shade as Kagome's powers. What felt like a lifetime, but was truthfully mere moments later, Kagome slumped backward, breathing heavily.

This time, InuYasha did not hesitate to push her bangs from her eyes; he allowed her to crumple bonelessly into his shoulder as he brushed his hand against her forehead. It was cold to the touch, as though she'd given even her body heat to Kikyou. A second later, she began to shiver; InuYasha absently wrapped his trailing haori sleeves around her.

"Oi, you okay?" Her head bobbed lightly in what may have been her attempt at a nod. Leaning forward to study her face, he noticed just how pale she was; how dull her usually emotional eyes were. He didn't like it one bit: she looked… to be honest, a lot more like Kikyou than she ever had before.

InuYasha scowled; the whole situation was fucking headache-inducing. His concern grew as she let out a cavernous yawn.

"C'mon, let's get you into bed." Ignoring the various looks from everybody in the room in favor of making sure Kagome was taken care of, InuYasha stood, Kagome in his arms. He carried her over and lay her down in her sleeping bag, where she fell asleep seconds later. Shippou was more than happy to curl up at the young woman's side, warming her and feeling as though he was helping by protecting her.

The rest of the group waited up, talking about Naraku and what could be waiting for them in the next few days. They were half-way through a quietly heated discussion over where Naraku might be hiding and what his newest goal would be (Kikyou or Kohaku?) when a multi-toned roar shook the forest outside.

InuYasha shot to his feet, withdrawing his sword as he ran out the door. Miroku, Sango, Kikyou and Kaede were at his heels, all afraid of the same possibility. Shippou hung back on InuYasha's orders. "Stay with Kagome! If she wakes up, do _not_ let her go outside!"

Naraku's stench was on the wind; he had sent a horde to finish the work he apparently hadn't accomplished the night before. InuYasha heard Kirara's warning growl as she dispatched some of the small fry, Sango wielding Hiraikotsu from her back. Miroku had taken up a guard position just inside the village with Kaede, strengthening a barrier to protect the village before turning his kazaana on the threatening group.

Kikyou refused to ride upon InuYasha's back, choosing to run next to him, sending purifying arrows into the fray. He heard a shout as some of the stronger ranks began pounding against the barrier. There were just too many youkai to keep track of and keep down. In just minutes, they had burst through the defenses.

'_Kagome!'_ InuYasha's thoughts immediately strayed to the young woman lying in the hut near the shrine steps. _'I can't let anything happen to her!'_

Turning on his heel, InuYasha tore through the village to see Kagome bracing herself up against the wall of Kaede's hut. Shippou clutched her leg, sobbing and begging for her to go in the hut; Kagome ignored his pleas. InuYasha could tell in an instant the kit had stood no chance against the wench when she was determined. He was still pissed. "What the fuck do you think you're doing, bitch? Get back inside!"

Kagome bit her lower lip angrily. "I'm fine! I can help!" She was sorely disappointed, however, when her first arrow's tip flickered a rather pale pink for just a moment before losing its momentum. Even in the heat of battle, InuYasha saw the shock and despair in her eyes as he swept down, pulling her out of the way of a gaping, tooth-filled jaw. Kikyou's arrow, glowing brightly, cleared out the remaining creatures that threatened them. As purification power lit the night sky, Kagome's head slumped dejectedly to her chest, the pink reflecting in Kagome's dull eyes.

* * *

More thanks than I can possibly express go to the amazingly awesome angelica incarnate, who helped re-direct my run-away verbosity. *grins*

Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha or any other characters from the anime/manga. They all belong to Rumiko Takahashi.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Divergence

* * *

'_You intend to pass through the Meidou? On top of that, to save a human… you really have become soft.'_

Sesshoumaru let out a low growl, content that his meager pack was asleep. No one was awake to witness his minute loss of control.

He had insisted he was going to kill the dog. His mother simply looked at him as though she knew better.

Sesshoumaru pulled his eyes from the sky to face the boy. He really had simply been seeking answers to Mouryoumaru's supposed disappearance when he came upon Byakuya; if Rin hadn't rushed to the Kohaku's side, Sesshoumaru would have left him to succumb to the shouki, removed the shard to keep it from Naraku's grasp, and let the boy die. But the girl, well-trained though she was to not go against her guardian's wishes, reeked of sorrow and fear.

Kohaku _did_ take orders well; much better than Jaken, at least. He was a good stand-in guard for Rin when matters required Sesshoumaru be elsewhere. But rescuing the boy had an inadvertent outcome that caused more problems than solutions. Kohaku lived because of a Shikon shard. While the aura was much too weak to tug at his own youki, it drew small-fry youkai from nearby and put Rin in danger. If Sesshoumaru was not positive the boy's shard would draw Naraku himself, he would have sent Kohaku on his way; to find his sister with the infuriating hanyou whelp.

Of course, with the power of that shard, Kohaku was able to move around in Hell, even when Rin would not – could not – wake.

Rin coughed, choked, cried out, interrupting his musings as a nightmare gripped her. Sesshoumaru's hearing focused behind him as he waited for Ah-Un to calm the girl; the scent of her fear put him on edge. It was not a feeling he relished.

Yet, the coughing a strangely reassuring effect on him…

'_Sesshoumaru-sama… Rin… isn't breathing…'_

Those words had stopped him cold. The boy stuttered, expanding on Rin's state, but he had easily accepted these facts. He was Sesshoumaru: he could reverse death with the flick of his wrist.

He could not revive Rin; he could not see the pallbearers of the after-life. When it had continued to fail, he'd dropped his weapon. _'Tenseiga. Just for something like this… Rin… I let you die.'_

His eyes strayed to the cold metal at his side. He felt disgusted; yearned to toss the weapon away. It was only half a sword anyway; a repository, his mother had told him when he'd "passed the test" to widen the Meidou. Created of Tetsusaiga, and according to his honored mother, forged to one day return to the sword of its origin.

'_An incomplete sword,'_ Sesshoumaru mused, turning his face back to the sky. Though his face remained impassive, irritation bubbled under the surface. It was just like his father, he thought cynically. Since he took the human mate, the world was like a joke to him. They'd both gotten a deathly serious lesson that night… only Sesshoumaru could learn from it.

No doubt their father had left the Tetsusaiga to InuYasha in order to control his run-away youkai blood; too strong in too weak a body to allow the younger male to keep his mind. Sesshoumaru had nearly come to grips with it: having the weaker sword allowed him to become a better fighter. Losing his arm had made him more resourceful, more powerful in the end. But now it appeared their father had even meant for InuYasha to have the Tenseiga… at least, the most useful part of the Tenseiga, the one Sesshoumaru had worked so hard to deserve!

'_Of course, father. I perfect the weapon, and then am expected to hand it to InuYasha as a dutiful brother should?'_ Such an outrage would not come to pass. A lesser youkai would have been shaking with anger. _'An unwanted piece… Why, father… why would you go that far just to slight me!'_

The nerve of his father! To not only leave him a half-breed half-brother, supposedly to care for… but to leave him a half-sword, a half-inheritance. Though Sesshoumaru could not deny the sword had served him well –his gaze fell to Rin, now sleeping calmly– it was an insult, a rejection that might as well have been flat-out disinheritance, that his father deemed his younger son worthy of the greater of his possessions.

Worse, his gifted sword had failed him.

Of course, Sesshoumaru had been given the entirety of the Western lands. He could not rule it, however, until he proved himself… thus, he wandered, and in doing so, somehow gained as odd a pack as his half-brother.

"InuYasha," he murmured, turning to face the direction in which his brother's pitiful forest lie. "You and I are destined to fight until we die." The corners of his mouth quirked upward slightly.

His mother had given him answers. She had revived Rin, who had looked at him with faith and trust in her eyes; it confused him. He hadn't been the one to revive her… Sesshoumaru was unfamiliar with the cold, clenching feeling in his chest, but he was sure he did not like it and never wished to experience it again.

Then she had expounded on Tenseiga's past… and his father's apparent purpose for the sword. She could only offer well-educated guesses, not having spoken with his father long on the subject. _'Your hanyou half-brother cannot fully realize the Meidou Zangetsuha's power. You will do so, and then your father's sword Tetsusaiga will welcome Tenseiga back, I assume.'_ The mocking look on his mother's face had nearly broken his iron-clad restraint. _'I suppose you will wish to seek out this InuYasha and give him your gift?'_

Rin whimpered again, curling tighter again Ah-Un. Mortals were fragile creatures; Rin had already died twice. She had had similar night terrors after her first death. The girl would wake up, crying about teeth and animals and running in the night. Did humans who had experienced death and returned to walk the land all have such responses?

InuYasha's bitch seemed somewhat educated, if emotional and flighty. He would seek her out; to guarantee Rin's safety. Kohaku had wanted to check on the condition of the whelp's other miko. The hanyou would have news, no doubt, of her whereabouts and condition. And he could see for himself if his brother had progressed: he, Sesshoumaru, would decide whether or not to honor his father's wishes.

'_When there is no direction, one makes a direction,'_ Sesshoumaru's father had told him on a hunting trip when he was just a decade old.

'_I will make this direction, father. It is not on your whims that I act!'_

-888-

Kikyou shifted, a bit uncomfortable as emotions that used to be easily repressed, or at the very least veiled, crashed into her like massive waves.

These feelings were… disturbing in their intensity. She was calm, collected… a miko who had faced Naraku, the creature who tricked her into killing the man she wanted to spend her life with. She had stood a little more than an arm's-length away from the creature that'd _killed_ her and presented him with half of his darkest desire; she had not flinched or dropped the knowing smirk. To show emotion was to show weakness…

She had seen the death of elderly grandparents, lost her own parents, and seen sickness steal children's souls away in the night. She had taken the souls of those children and young women _into_ herself, felt their joys and sorrows and never flinched.

So why were _these_ emotions so powerful?

Kikyou stared across the hut to where Kagome lay, bundled in some strange cocoon-like blanket from the future. Jealousy flared in her gut as her eyes fell on InuYasha, who sat at her head, eyes and ears on her reincarnation's face.

Irritation quickly followed; irritation at herself, with guilt on its heels. Who was she to begrudge the young miko a bit of comfort? Who was she to force InuYasha leave Kagome's side? She may have insisted one time that InuYasha's life belonged to her but… she would not have a life at all, if it were not for that miko. Did that mean her life, like her soul, really belonged to Kagome? Even before Naraku's last abortive attempt on her life, there were so many times that Kagome had rushed to her aid with little to no regard for her own life.

'_If something happened to you… somebody would be very sad…'_

Studying InuYasha's face covertly, Kikyou wondered if Kagome had any clue at all. It was as if everything in his being was focused on the sleeping girl. His expression said it all… his life did not belong to her any longer.

Kikyou thought back to InuYasha's original promise to go to Hell with her… technically, it'd been said while she had him under a spell. Would he have said the same thing while coherent? He had never seemed upset to respond to her summons… and yet his actions when Kagome's voice had broken through the spell were telling. He had left her without a glance backwards to free the girl, only turning back to Kikyou when he was sure Kagome was safe.

'_Perhaps he just feels Kagome cannot protect herself like I can,'_ Kikyou encouraged herself. _'It does not mean he no longer cares for me. If he did not care, at least on some level, he would not be drawn.'_ She had often wondered if he cared so much for Kagome because the girl was her reincarnation.

But now, both of them were in the same hut. The same soul was in one hut, torn between two people, and he hovered over one with little regard for the other. It was so different from fifty years ago…

Then again, much had changed. Kikyou had chided InuYasha about his actions in front of him while she was alive, and he had always taken that to heart. This night, though, all concern for her opinion had been squashed under the weight of his anger, his frustration… his distress that Kagome would put herself in harm's way yet again in an attempt to save people. He lit into her as soon as the youkai had been beaten back, swearing so loudly Kikyou was sure the nearest village heard his tirade clearly. Kagome had little to say in response, except a quiet plea that she was only thinking of the villagers in danger. _'Does she ever think about herself?'_

Kikyou blinked, staring into the fire and trying to discern the direction her ever-changing emotions had taken. _'Ah, jealousy again.'_ She scowled, and then realized the expression had slipped to her face and stubbornly schooled it to a blank expression. Looking up, she realized InuYasha had begun staring at her.

"Are you alright, Kikyou?" he questioned softly, not moving from his protective position.

Kikyou mentally reined in the rueful smile that threatened to take over her face; she downsized it to a small smile and chuckle. "Is she always so… emotional?"

InuYasha smirked, reaching down and nearly running his claws through the sleeping girl's hair before catching himself and clenching his fist. He looked up at Kikyou, who had averted her gaze as though she had not seen his movement.

"Keh," he responded after a short moment. "If by 'emotional' you mean fuckin' crazy half the time, yeah. You get used to it after a while, though."

Kikyou lifted an eyebrow at his language. "She does not chide you for your language? Your violent actions?" There wasn't a single note of censure in her voice, InuYasha was surprised to note; just curiosity.

"Nah," he dismissed with a quick of his head. "She don't seem to mind too much… long as I ain't insulting Kaede-baba." He cringed a bit at the cold glare Kikyou shot him as he remembered the old woman was Kikyou's sister. "And those 'violent actions' as you call 'em generally save her life. She's gotten better with her bow and was doin' pretty good with her miko powers, but an arrow ain't much good when she's in an oni's hand," he said. He glared down at the girl, though the soft look in his eyes gave his true feelings away. "Crazy bitch; she does shit like she did tonight without ever thinking about how dangerous it is."

Kikyou felt that gnawing feeling again… pushing it away, she changed topics. "I must collect some herbs tomorrow. Kagome will need a restorative drink to help keep up when we follow the rumor about that village… there could be a shard or even Naraku there, though I believed Naraku had all but one shard."

InuYasha growled a bit. "I won't let her fall behind, Kikyou."

The miko simply nodded in response; what was she supposed to say to that? Seeing Kikyou stifle a yawn, InuYasha motioned with his head to the empty bedroll. "I'm keeping watch, not that much will probably come tonight. Get some sleep; you need to conserve your powers."

-888-

Kagome bit her lip as she listened to Kikyou and InuYasha talk, finding that she was forcing herself to breath evenly. After all, there were at least three creatures in the room would be instantly aware if she gave in to the tears threatening to overwhelm her. She shrank deeper into the meager protection of her sleeping bag, 'what good am I now?' echoing nauseatingly in her mind.

She remembered the feeling of her powers slipping through her fingers, as though the well of pink that always resided in the back of her mind had been moved just out of her reach. She couldn't grasp it, it didn't come when she called it: it pooled, constantly mocking her. The look on InuYasha's face as her arrow had sputtered and died said it all.

'_He was angry. I finally have a bow I can use and I can't even use it properly.'_

Kagome hastily turned a sigh into a fake yawn, rolling onto her back. She stared blindly at the ceiling, only hearing echoes of what InuYasha had shouted after her abortive attempt at defending herself and her friends.

"_Are you completely stupid, bitch?" InuYasha pounded his fist against the wall, back turned on her as he raged. "You could have been killed! We left you in here to recover, not so you could throw yourself in front of the first youkai to get near you!"_

"_I didn't 'throw' myself anywhere!"_

"_Keh!"_

"_I didn't!" Kagome slumped to the ground, tears welling up in her eyes. "The entire village was in danger! I _thought _I was helping!"_

_InuYasha snorted. "Well you weren't, wench! You can't do a thing without me."_

_Kagome bit back a growl, glaring up at the hanyou as threateningly as she could through her tears. "What's that supposed to mean?"_

_InuYasha lifted his chin, obviously about to shoot his mouth off again, but a cough from near the door reminded them the others were gathering, giving them quite the audience. Growling low, he crouched down near where Kagome sat with her arms around her knees. "You're not useless, wench. Don't you understand?" Kagome stared at him askance. It was like he knew was she was thinking... "You're the only one who can keep Kikyou in one piece. We need you with us to keep up that barrier."_

_Kagome suddenly found it difficult to breathe past the lump in her throat. She didn't trust herself to speak. Slowly, she gathered herself up and crawled back over to her sleeping bag, where she tucked herself in. Sensing and smelling her abrupt change in mood, InuYasha's eyes narrowed as he silently watched her._

InuYasha hadn't taken his eyes off of her for more than a few minutes, even when she turned her back on him and pretended to sleep. He knew better. Her heart rate hadn't slowed, her breaths didn't deepen; she was still awake. He could hear her strained breathing; he knew she was fighting back tears. _'What in all the hells is wrong with her?'_

'_Is that really all I'm good for? He must really hate me… now he can't send me back home, or Kikyou will die.' _Kagome heard Kikyou move; the rustling suggested she was going to sleep. InuYasha remained near her head, though he sat back against the wall.

InuYasha thought back to Kagome's scent after the argument. It had shifted to a melancholy frustration he knew all too well – he felt it every night of the new moon. _'Why does she feel useless? Is this about her running out of energy during that battle? I knew she was too weak to fight, damn it!'_

Kagome's thoughts kept spiraling back to his angry tirade after the battle. _'"We need you with us to keep up that barrier," he says. I should have known. He doesn't really need _me_… not when he has Kikyou with him.'_

"Oi, wench." Kagome stiffened, the only sign she had heard his quiet call. "Your miko powers aren't going to build back up if you don't sleep."

Kagome sighed into her pillow, pulling her blankets closer. _'That's right. If I don't rebuild my strength, I won't be able to fix the barrier tomorrow night. I have an obligation to Kikyou. Her life – and InuYasha's happiness – is in my hands now.'_ As she slipped off into sleep, the miko realized with a slight pang to her heart how bitter her thoughts had become.

-888-

Kagome wasn't a violent person by nature. Sure, she had a tendency to slam InuYasha repeatedly into the ground when he pushed her buttons, but that was magical force, not physical. This morning, however, she was quickly approaching meltdown and was sure she was going to smack somebody in the next several minutes.

'_I'm not going to break!'_ she screamed mentally, wishing she could share the sentiments aloud, wishing she could rage and scream and kick and cry. It seemed cruel to want to be so rude to her friends when they were trying so hard to cheer her up. But between Shippou's stories, Miroku's earnest encouragement, and Sango's attempts to distract her into focusing on something else, Kagome was ready to start throwing things.

Her eyebrow twitched in annoyance as Shippou continued to rattle off another story to accompany the pictures he had drawn. "So the dog chased the cat up a tree and waited at the bottom. He growled and barked, making her stay there. And she did, and she was a good kitty, and everybody was happy! So the fox got the cat a nice, tasty fish the next day…" Kagome turned her attention elsewhere, unable to listen anymore without exploding.

'_The dog… InuYasha…'_ Kagome knew full well everybody was hovering out of both a concern for their friend, and under strict orders from InuYasha. He had gone out with Kikyou early that morning, to protect her while she gathered herbs and sent out shikigami to search for possible information on Naraku.

'_He just doesn't want me by him! That's why he's got them all babysitting me, like some sort of child – so I don't go chasing after them. He just wants precious alone time with Kikyou.'_ She spat out her preincarnation's name mentally as though the word singed her thoughts. With a snort, Kagome stood, unknowingly toppling Shippou to the floor and unceremoniously ending his story. She knew she was acting the child, but darn it, right now she didn't really care!

"I'm going home," she announced to the group, looking at their faces and preparing for an argument. Seeing Kaede's mouth open, she held up a hand, lifting her chin defiantly. "I'll be back before sundown; we're leaving soon anyway. If we're leaving we're going to need supplies, and I need to get some homework done… and I need some time _alone_."

Sango had the grace to flush lightly and suddenly seemed to have trouble maintaining eye contact, letting her eye drift guiltily to the floor before looking back up, pleadingly. "I'm sorry, Kagome. We're just so worried about you…"

Kagome was hit by a flash of guilt at the look on Sango's face; she tried to force a smile at her friend's nervous loss of composure. "I understand, Sango. I'm sure I'd do the same thing if I were in your position." Her thoughts took a more rebellious approach, _'Not that I ever would be. You're strong; you'd never become absolutely useless to the group overnight.'_

"At least allow me to accompany you to the well, Lady Kagome…" Miroku rose, dusting off his robes and reaching for his staff. A stern glare froze his movements. Kagome turned towards the corner where her trademark yellow bag lay, pointedly, ignoring the surprised hurt in Miroku's eyes, knowing the guilt that hurt would cause. 'You_ may have the greatest intentions in the world but what part of the word "_alone_" means I want you to accompany me?'_

The miko grabbed her bag, shoving in her books and dirty clothes and leaving the rest of her stuff in a corner of Kaede's hut. It wasn't as if she could or would be gone long, but the extra room in the bag meant she could bring more stuff back with her.

-888-

'_Damn it. Kagome still hadn't really spoken to anybody when we left.' _In fact, she had not even looked up from playing with her breakfast to acknowledge him leaving. InuYasha held back the urge to tear apart the nearest tree with his claws, knowing how Kikyou would view such a "pointless" act of violence. He longed to leap through the branches, run with the wind, and escape the recurring image of the look in Kagome's eyes when her arrow lost its power in the fight.

'_Something's bugging her. Usually the wench won't shut up, now we can't get her to fucking talk!'_ Why didn't she want to say anything? He recognized her feelings of uselessness; he knew she was feeling weak… and probably vulnerable. Didn't she know he'd never let anything happen to her? _'Now it's even worse. If I let her down, something could happen to Kikyou.'_ The hanyou couldn't bear the thought of Kikyou dying because of him again.

'_Miroku's always saying Naraku's tricks weren't my fault, but if I had paid closer attention, if I had trusted her more, maybe she wouldn't have died.'_ A different voice, one sounding suspiciously like the monk, piped up from the back of his head. _'If Kikyou hadn't sealed you, though, you'd never have met Kagome.'_

Kagome. The girl was everything to him. She was light, she was ramen, she was friendship and love and trust and reassurance. When she was gone, he felt lost. When her scent wasn't around, he didn't know what to do. And when she was as fucking miserable as she had been when he left, he felt a pain in his chest, as though his own heart was being crushed.

"InuYasha?" Kikyou's voice, lighter and more cheerful that he had ever heard it, broke into his thoughts. Just a few moments later, the reason for that lightness stilled him faster than her sealing arrow had.

"Huh? What did you say?" _'Pay attention, damn it! Anything could have come at us while I'm daydreaming about Kagome!'_

She smiled at him, motioning up again to the sky. "It is a beautiful day. There isn't a cloud in the sky, and the very lightest of breezes."

InuYasha was sure the look on his face would have earned him an "osuwari" from Kagome had she seen it, but the slightly older miko had her back turned to him, gazing at the flower-speckled field in appreciation. _'What the hell? Kikyou never wanted to just talk about the weather before…'_ He recalled what Miroku had said, about more of their soul being in Kikyou than Kagome. _'Is this how Kikyou would have been if she hadn't had all those damned responsibilities for the fucking jewel?'_

"…important to talk about it before we leave. Do you not agree?" The tips of InuYasha's ears drooped guiltily as he realized he had been ignoring Kikyou again in favor of his own thoughts... which, despite his efforts, kept swinging to Kagome. He stifled a groan. Damn it, his head was beginning to pound. He wasn't a thinker by nature, and the events of the past few days were just getting to be too much. _'Listen to her! Kagome gave her a larger part of her soul for _you,_ you ungrateful scum!'_ Miroku's voice echoed in his head again; InuYasha growled as he envisioned pounding the monk's head in.

The look on Kikyou's face showed she knew he hadn't been paying attention, but it was as though she had expected it. "I said, InuYasha, that I am concerned about Kagome."

InuYasha's ears perked up. "What do you mean?"

"She is not safe here any longer."

He dismissed her concerns with a tilt of his head. "Keh! As if I'd let anything happen to her!"

"That is not what I mean, InuYasha. Her powers are waning because I share a larger part of our soul now. Kagome is too pure to survive on borrowed souls as I once did. And the remaining spiritual power she possesses is being drained nightly to maintain the barrier she placed upon me."

InuYasha hung his head, her gently chiding voice hitting its mark. The fucking bitch had thrown herself on top of Kikyou without thinking… well, that wasn't quite true. Kikyou said Kagome did this so he wouldn't have to watch his first love die. But… _'Doesn't that fucking bitch know anything?'_

-888-

Kagome wandered through the trees, noting mentally that a thunderstorm would be more appropriate for the dark mood she was in. The bright sun reflected off dull eyes; the warmth barely heated her skin. Worse… she didn't seem to care. _'Life goes on whether I'm happy or not.'_ She wondered vaguely if this was how Kikyou felt on her journeys; Kaede had said once that time does not move for the dead… to Kagome, it felt like time was moving without her, even though she knew it wasn't the case. _'Stop the world, I want to get off,'_ she grumbled to herself. _'That's all I need… to be _more_ like Kikyou.'_

Kagome had just broken through the tree line and was headed to the Bone Eater's Well when something bright sparkled to her right, catching her attention. Dropping her bag, she turned. Another small gust of wind caught her in the face and she realized the shine was from InuYasha's hair, the silver strands catching and reflecting the sun as he stood, arms crossed, looking at Kikyou. She thanked the Kami for small mercies; she was right behind Inuyasha, blocking her from both him or Kikyou seeing her... and she was directly downwind, preventing InuYasha from detecting her scent**.**

'_He'd be so mad if he knew I was going home without letting him know.'_ Her conscience nagged at her, told her to go to him. _'He'd just follow me and be mad that I interrupted his time with Kikyou,' _she thought a little angrily, _'He doesn't even notice I'm here.'_

"…she is just not powerful enough." Kikyou's voice flowed over to her on the wind. If Kagome had InuYasha's ears, they would have flipped forward in interest.

'_Who are they talking about?'_

Kagome was too far away, and InuYasha was speaking into the wind. She couldn't hear his response or Kikyou's to his, even as she saw the undead miko's lips move. Eyes moving to the ground, she started to creep forward a little, trying to move as silently as possible.

"We can't keep putting her through this." InuYasha's anger made his voice louder, "She's going to burn out."

"You should send her home." Kagome's eyes widened. _'They're talking about me!'_ A small flame of anger flickered to life somewhere deep inside the young woman as she realized what they were discussing. _'Kikyou isn't that stupid. If they send me back, who will keep her barrier in place?'_ she reasoned, trying to remind herself that she wasn't, in fact, expendable and useless to the group. The fact that she was headed home right that moment flew out of her head as she raged internally at the thought of them making more decisions about her life. Didn't she get a say in things?

Lost in thought, Kagome realized belatedly she had lost the thread of conversation. She strained to hear what the pair was saying; the wind picked up, obliging her, just in time to hear Kikyou's surprisingly heated voice. "She has no control."

Kagome felt as though she had just been hit by a truck. The words struck home; underlined the point of thoughts that had bounced around her head all morning…

'_I really _don't_ have any control over _anything_. I certainly haven't had much of a say in my life since my birthday.'_ She suddenly didn't want to hear what InuYasha had to say in response. Her curiosity had been squashed by the decisiveness in Kikyou's voice. InuYasha had never been able to say "no" to her. If Kikyou wanted to send her home, he'd probably do it. Then he'd be inconsolable when Kikyou died. Knowing her luck, he'd blame her, even if he sealed her away. Kagome stifled a sob at the thought. _'I know I should have been able to save her the first time… I did my best…'_

Kagome began walking back to the well, deep in thought. Her thoughts piled up, each more frustrating than the last, and her anger burned hotter and hotter. '_I never asked for any of this! It just happened! Like I wanted to be born with the stupid jewel inside me? Or to get pulled through the well and told I'm suddenly in charge of protecting it? I never wanted to know the truth about youkai and hanyou and monsters and miko magic…'_

Breaking into a run, trying to outrun her thoughts, Kagome threw herself down the well. It was not to be; as the time slip caught her, so did her heavy thoughts. _'I never asked to miss almost half a year of school to walk around the Sengoku Jidai, risking my life and having my soul stolen and having some horrible, twisted evil baby try and steal my eyes! Or get kidnapped by an ookami youkai who can't take "no" for an answer. When did I ever wish to be cursed by a black miko? I didn't ask for this! I'm supposed to be a normal school girl, not the reincarnation of a super-powerful miko everybody loved and cherished above all others.'_

As she walked to the house, Kagome's eyes were drawn almost by habit to Goshinboku, where she had first met InuYasha. For a moment, she could see him as she first laid eyes on him, looking almost like a young boy in a dreamless sleep, hair blown about by the wind. Kagome could still remember the feel of his ears under her fingers. Her heart thrummed out of tempo at the thought of his eyes, unguarded in the light of the fire, anxious as he stared at one of her many wounds, indiscernible after a late-night meeting with the love of his life. Tears pricked her eyes again and she shook the memories from her head. _'I didn't ask for this! I didn't want… I didn't need this. I didn't ever want to need somebody like I need him… when he doesn't feel the same way. Kikyou still loves InuYasha… and he loves her.'_

Kagome slid open the door, moving as a zombie, fists clenched as she fought back on the impulse to scream, to sob, to throw a temper tantrum like she was a five-year-old all over again. Her mother's voice echoed from the kitchen. "Souta?"

Anger flared up in the miko again. Her own mother didn't expect her home! Kagome stomped to the kitchen, muttering under her breath until she saw her mother's knowing gaze. _'She acts as if she knows everything… she doesn't! She can't!'_

"Problems, sweetie? I'll go draw you a bath." Pausing a moment for a hug, her mother hurried up the stairs. _'That's it? Her daughter comes back from nearly definite deathly battles five hundred years in the past and all she can think about is if I want a bath?'_ Usually, her mother's open heart astounded her, humbled her. At this moment, it angered her. _'How can she act so calm about all of this? I know it's been going on for a while now, but still! How can she be so okay with this?'_

Kagome stomped up the stairs to her room, glaring around at the place that had begun to feel more like a popular vacation hot-spot than her actual home. _'I should be happy here; why aren't I?'_ She fell on her bed, screamed into her pillow… and finally gave in to the urge to cry great crocodile tears, bawling out her heartbreak, her frustration at InuYasha and Kikyou, her feelings of inadequacy and inability to do anything herself.

'_They're all hovering over me, like I can't do a thing on my own. I don't need miko powers to scoop a bowl of stew… I don't need my entire soul to walk myself to the well.'_ She ignored the tiny, mocking voice in the back of her head, reminding her that Naraku was still out for blood and that she presented a very viable target… almost completely unable to fight back.

Kagome sobbed; bitterly.

-888-

"Damn it! I'm not fucking sending her home!" InuYasha was angrier than Kikyou had ever seen before. "Kagome needs to be where I can protect her… I can't protect her and you both if you're not in the same time periods! Plus, she's the only one who's keeping you alive; did you forget that, we- Kikyou?" he practically hissed angrily.

Kikyou brought a hand to her chest. He'd never spoken to her like that before. The change was startling, but not unexpected. She'd caught the tell-tale distant look in InuYasha's eyes as she'd tried to draw him into conversation earlier in the day. His mind was elsewhere – focused on another miko, lying nearly helpless in her sister's hut.

InuYasha gave her a once over, making sure she had her bow and arrows on hand before turning on his heel and walking away. He'd never been so fed up with the priestess… at least, not since he'd learned of Naraku's deception and realized it wasn't really her that had betrayed him.

InuYasha was debating heading back to the village and spending more time cheering Kagome up, when the winds shifted, bringing a familiar scent to his twitching nose. 'Kagome.' There were no other scents mingled in with hers. _'Those idiots! I told them to stay with her, not to let her wander through the woods alone! Anything could have come after her!'_ He noticed her scent was laced with anger, bitterness and a despondent sadness he usually associated with Kikyou. The discovery was like his bastard half-brother putting those poison claws through his gut; what could be wrong with her to have her this emotional?

'_Where the hell did she…'_ He saw a tattered yellow backpack sitting in the field, and then realized her scent was strongest at the Bone Eater's Well. _'So the wench went home, did she? Without telling me? Stupid bitch…'_ InuYasha never stopped to think how the tone in which he thought those curses was softer, gentler than he would have normally put behind it. Absently grabbing the bag, he leapt into the darkness and let the tingling tug of time take him to Kagome.

* * *

A/N: In case you didn't get it from the first two chapters (for those of you who haven't read the manga, for example), this fic is a divergence beginning at the manga chapter "Light" in which Kikyou dies.

That being said, this fic will encompass many points of the manga, with various character and order changes. Think of it as me taking the manga into pieces and scattering them, then putting them back together again (like the Shikon!)

My heart and appreciation goes out to all of those who have reviewed thus far, those of you planning on hitting the "review" button in the future, and especially to my beta, angelica incarnate, who beats me on a regular basis (but it's for my own good!)

Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha or any other characters from the anime/manga. They all belong to Rumiko Takahashi.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Losing

* * *

Kikyou gaped. Jaw flapping weakly, she could not even mutter a feeble protest before InuYasha had stalked off, fists clenched. Worse than the shock at his reaction was how it affected her, how flustered she felt; it took a good amount of effort before she could blank her features as well as she used to.

Though outwardly she showed little emotion, inside she was roiling. _'I cannot believe he spoke to me like that!'_ He had yelled at her, almost called her 'wench' and insinuated she had not thought about the consequences of her actions!

'_Then again, perhaps I had not…'_

InuYasha had a point: if Kagome left, there would be nobody to keep the barrier up. She would lose the soul she held, along with her tenuous grip on life. She would not survive to see Naraku fall, to see InuYasha without the weight of his vengeance and hers (_'and that of his friends,'_ she reminded herself)… to see the youkai threat diminish as she had learned was the norm in Kagome's time.

It was those unfamiliar… _feelings_, deep in her gut, that had spurred her to action. Concern was a large part of it; she knew InuYasha would be horrified if something were to happen to Kagome. The young woman had little knowledge of how to defend herself and would be a liability in battle. Naraku was becoming more ingenious. The honor-less bastard would not hesitate to attack Kagome when she was weak.

Worried amber, sparkling in the firelight, flashed through her mind, and she was hard-pressed to keep the blank look on her face. She could not keep the pain from her eyes, though, and thanked everything she held holy that nobody was around to see her lapse in control.

'_She has no control.'_ Kikyou winced. She had said as much to InuYasha, but wondered now whether she was talking about herself or Kagome. Since her unholy resurrection-of-sorts, Kikyou had found relief, even small pleasure, in wandering the countryside, reveling in the freedom to do as she wished. Of course, she administered as possible to needy children and the elderly, but also spent days far from civilization, with only her Shini-dama-chuu as companions.

This time, there would be no enticing InuYasha away. Even if she had not required the girl to survive, the look in InuYasha's eyes the night before, not to mention his reaction to her suggestion, clearly stated that Kagome would remain by his side… whether or not she wanted to. He needed her. He… _'Does he love her?'_ Kikyou was not sure. She wondered vaguely if she even knew what the emotion was before being swept away in contemplation. She had thought she loved him fifty years ago. She had certainly appreciated his company; had admired his exotic features, though they were proof of his youkai heritage. She had especially welcomed the closure he could bring to that part of her life. She was going to marry him, live with him and raise a family!

But had she loved him? And if she had… did she still love him now?

To be perfectly honest with herself (an act that stirred something unpleasant within her), she had not known him well enough or long enough to make an accurate judgment. Just his attitude the night before had been enough to prove he was holding back his true self… _'As I requested,'_ she thought, rather guiltily.

But he could be himself around Kagome and the others who stuck by his side. In just a day, she'd learned how crude, violent and outspoken he could be. She'd also seen, though, how loyal, caring and protective he could be about those he considered close…

Knowing InuYasha had stomped off to see Kagome; knowing Kaede probably had the kitsune well in hand, and that the monk and taijya would probably appreciate some time to themselves… Kikyou was unsure what to do with herself.

She suddenly felt very lonely.

She held out her hand, mentally willing her Shini-dama-chuu to come to her, hoping against hope that they would heed her call though she didn't need their services. Two writhed out of thin air, not baring souls but greeting her with the barest brush, circling her welcomingly.

'_How amusing,'_ it suddenly occurred to her, _'that one who once devoted her life to slaying youkai now requires them to remain in this half-existence.'_

But that was not true anymore, was it? Now she relied on the young woman she had attempted to kill at least once: her reincarnation, the woman she vied with for InuYasha's heart. Without her… she would die. Her newfound freedom was slowly being stripped away by the girl who had saved her. Two emotions, incredibly different, battled for supremacy and she bit her lip, looking to the ground as if there were someone nearby to see. Bitterness at Kagome, for trapping her, for making her stay with them raged against humbled thankfulness. Is there anything Kagome would not do? Kikyou acknowledged she was not yet ready to die… and allowed appreciation to overcome resentment.

Kikyou was so lost in thought, she never noticed the eye hovering just over the tree line.

-888-

A few minutes, hours, maybe an eternity later, Kagome rolled over, spent. She'd cried all her tears – her soaked pillow was proof. _"She has no control…"_ Kikyou's words haunted her, taunted her, and suddenly Kagome felt the bottom of her stomach shift out from under her. Had she been standing, she was sure she would have been violently ill. She hadn't cried that hard in years, since her father died… seeing InuYasha and Kikyou embracing under Goshinboku had been nothing compared to hearing they thought she should be sent back.

The thoughts rushing through her head skidded to a halt, sending stars sparking painfully behind her eyes. _'Wait a minute…'_ In the back of her mind, she refused to believe InuYasha would agree to keep her home, even for her own safety. _'That's not fair at all. He wouldn't do that. He came for me at Mount Azusa, even though Kikyou was so badly hurt. He's always come for me…'_ She thought about all the times she'd run home in tears or anger, giving him every opportunity in the world to rush off, find Kikyou and hunt shards with her.

He'd always come back… or, at least waited until she came back. Sure, he left her side a couple of times to check on Kikyou. And one of those times, Naraku had almost gotten her… but then InuYasha had sworn to stay with her, even looked so _sincere_ about it, even though she knew he couldn't. Even when he went to Kikyou, though, he always came back. It hurt, but she couldn't say she didn't understand.

And what about her friends? Sango, Miroku, Shippou… heck, even Kaede wouldn't let him just push her away like that! Why was she so bitter about things? Didn't she trust InuYasha anymore?

She gasped as she recounted her actions that morning. _'I'm acting like Kikyou!'_

Kikyou's barb stung through her again. _"She has no control."_ Well, of course she didn't! She hadn't trained all her life; she hadn't even known she had any spiritual powers until she tumbled into the well… and _now_ she was missing half her soul! She hadn't even had power over that… it was as though the miko magic inside her sprung up, fueled by that horrible look on InuYasha's face, the feeling like she would lose him along with Kikyou…

InuYasha's words played in her head. _'InuYasha said when he was taking me from Mount Azusa… that my heart was strong and pure because I wanted to save Kikyou even if I saw her as frightening and unpleasant.'_

She brought her shoulders back a bit in pride as she recalled what she had realized while facing the test on the mountain. _'Kikyou and I… we're two different people. They have a past that I can't deny or ever be a part of. But InuYasha and I have the present. I share something with him that she never will; I know the real InuYasha, the one who scowls and growls and protects me and cries when he thinks his friends are dead.'_

On the heels of that thought came another. _'She was his first friend. That was probably a big reason why he was so sad when he thought Kikyou was dying. But he was holding me that same way after we almost died from the poison when fighting the Shichinintai…'_

It was so strange. Normally, thinking about the day brought a smile to her face, filled her with an indescribable joy even though she and her friends had nearly died. She reckoned it was because he had shown he cared; she always knew it, of course, but he had actually been in mourning. Now, though, the emotions were strangely muted. It felt as though they were suffocating under feelings of inadequacy, of hurt and sorrow and other negative emotions that had taken root inside her.

An almost hesitant tap on the window interrupted that revelation and Kagome spun around, gaze immediately catching glowing, golden eyes.

-888-

InuYasha stood just outside Kagome's window, silent, the pressure on his chest doubling as the fresh aroma of her tears hit him. When InuYasha had touched down inside the well, the scent of hurt on the air had nearly bowled him over. '_What the _hell_ is her problem?_' InuYasha raged, heart pumping a bit faster in response to the scent, anger spiraling to the edge of his control as he realized there was nothing he could fight to fix it… whatever "it" was.

Cautiously, he reached out to lightly tap the closed window, gazing at the miko as she faced him, a strange light coming to her eyes as they focused on his. She looked… determined. As though something had just occurred to her, she clenched a fist and lifted her chin as she came over to open the window.

Not one to question Kagome's mysterious and sudden mood swings, InuYasha climbed into the room and forced a smirk, tucking his hands into his sleeves and crossing his arms irritably. There was just too much weird shit going down lately for him to be comfortable… on top of that, Kagome was putting him on edge, and having Kikyou travel with them would be awkward.

'_Did I really just think that?'_ Shaking the thoughts away, InuYasha focused once more on the girl, who had yet to speak… it was more of that freaky silence from earlier in Kaede's hut.

"O-oi." Kagome's eyes never left his, pinning him uncomfortably where he stood with that strange, unidentifiable emotion. Well, when all else fails… "Who the fuck said you could come home?"

Kagome blinked, and then pinched her eyes shut as though they hurt. He braced for yelling, for 'osuwari' commands, for angry glares: he wasn't prepared for the tears that rolled silently down her cheeks or for the hastily muffled sob that came out as a hiccup.

"Oi, wench...don't do that!" his shout tapered to a frantic plea as he shot towards her, clearing the room in two wide steps. Using the pad of his thumb, InuYasha carefully wiped the tears away; silently thankful that nobody was here to see his tough façade crumble at her first visible tears. He'd been aching to touch her since the night she saved Kikyou, to reassure himself she was whole and really there.

Assured that he had gotten to her in time to stop the drops from turning into an all-out storm, InuYasha was about to lay into her about going to the well alone. "Keh-"

Kagome cut his rant off rather spectacularly when she threw her arms around his waist and buried her face in his chest, clutching him tight. "It _hurts_," she whimpered.

InuYasha stiffened, his eyes widening, and his ears flattening back against his head. Before his mind could process what he was doing, he was sitting on the floor, his back against the bed with Kagome cradled in his arms, sobbing.

InuYasha held Kagome as close as he physically could; supporting her with his entire body as vicious sobs wracked the girl's frame. He couldn't bring himself to chide her for her tears, to force a tough tone and tell her she was being stupid. All he could do was hold her... just hold her. Keeping his nose buried in her hair, he dragged a clawed hand up and down her back as gently as he was able; trying to soothe whatever was causing her pain. He knew if he opened his mouth, he'd find himself eating his foot; so rather than add to her anguish, he settled on just being quiet, on... just holding her.

Kagome had been sure she was fine. She had remembered her worth, darn it, and knew that InuYasha wouldn't send her back.

Yet she was confused; how could his touch have hurt so terribly? InuYasha had caught her tears, running the gentlest thumbs across her cheeks-she had melted at the sweetness and then been torn apart with agony. She had almost choked on her tears as memories poured through her: of when she had been a bother to him or caused him pain or she got in the way and he took a hit meant for her; as she remembered a vicious ache welled up inside. It had been a deep, physical pain…

Then… wonder of wonders, he just sat there, letting her cry. It was so strange, so wonderful, that Kagome couldn't even question it or begin to understand it... but was so thankful she knew she'd never be able to put it into words.

"I'm sorry," she sniffled, finally gathering in the reins on her runaway tears. "I'm so, so sorry."

Her voice was muffled by his chest and fire-rat, but he heard her easily. "For what, wench?" Kagome shook her head. InuYasha used his free hand to lift up her face by the chin, cupping it softly. "Fine then, but what hurts, Kagome?" She'd never know how hard it was for him to say that so calmly when his stomach was churning with anxiety.

Kagome whimpered again, tightening her grip around him and trying to pull her face away. He wouldn't let her; forced her to look at him and stop hiding from him. She finally averted her eyes, unable to meet his gaze.

'_Gods damn it all to hell, don't make me drag it out of you,'_ InuYasha grumbled mentally before shaking her softly by the shoulder. "Kagome, tell me. What hurts? How-" He cut off, certain the next question was going to make him look like a fucking wuss. But he was her protector, and he had to know what was hurting her so he could make it stop! "How can I make it better?"

Kagome let out a strangled noise, a sob mixed with a hint of laughter. After another minute of silence, InuYasha was about to start _demanding_ answers when she admitted, "I don't know."

InuYasha blinked. That hadn't been what he was expecting at all. It seemed like the wench always had an answer.

"What do you mean, you don't know? You don't know what hurts? You don't know how to fix it? What?" He mentally patted himself on the back. See? When that teasing monk wasn't around and the bratty kitsune was gone, he could be nice!

She chuckled shortly, the tear-driven tightness in her throat sending her into a brief coughing fit. InuYasha tightened his grip, squeezing her gently in what he hoped was a reassuring manner as she got collected herself. "No," she said quietly. "I… I know what hurts. I think when… you know, when I gave Kikyou more of my- our soul, I think it did something weird with my emotions."

'_Fuck. I can't handle this emotional bullshit,'_ InuYasha groused. Then the meaning behind what Kagome had said sunk in, and he recoiled as if hit. _'Wait, she's hurt because she healed Kikyou… for me?'_ It was his fault! His ears drooped; it figured she'd be in pain because of him.

"W-why does that hurt?" InuYasha asked nervously, unsure if he really wanted to hear the answer.

Kagome shook her head. "I'm not sure. It's just… I know I'm not always a big ray of sunshine or anything, but it feels like all my good emotions are _gone._ Or, well, not gone but… hidden away, like they're hard for me to find." She sighed.

The next words out of her mouth shocked InuYasha right down to his soul. "If this is how Kikyou felt after Urasue made that body… I feel really bad for her. I don't blame her for feeling like she did."

InuYasha gaped. His brain didn't even know where to start. _'She… she feels sorry for Kikyou? Even then, I know something happened between those two in the illusory death. She doesn't- wait. She thinks she feels the same _way Kikyou did?' His heart ached at that thought. That Kagome would be like Kikyou had been… so cold, so detached… his hold on her tightened, reluctantly loosening when she gave a little squeak.

This was just too much for him. Kikyou was dealing with Kagome's emotions, and Kagome couldn't find some… did that mean she was giving them all to Kikyou? What would he do without Kagome's particular brand of ridiculous optimism?

'_Help her,'_ that nagging voice in his head that sounded like Miroku insisted. _'Kami knows you won't smile if she doesn't!'_

As much as he hated to admit it, the monk – well, the voice that sounded like the monk – was right. But how was he supposed to help her? He had pledged to protect both women, truly cared for both of them and wanted both to be happy. _'I guess it's kinda hard to be happy with only part a soul,'_ he conceded reluctantly.

Frustrated, InuYasha laid his chin atop Kagome's head. He hadn't appreciated how often he touched Kagome or the other way around: grabbing her from danger, holding her to shield her, letting her grab his hand or touch his shoulder. Then he'd held himself back, in deference to Kikyou, and realized how much he'd come to crave that relaxed, accepting contact. Holding her tightly now, in her room with the door shut, was more than he had ever expected and a slight flush unwittingly tinted his cheeks as he felt his body slowly start to respond to the warmth of her, the weight of her body in his lap…

Pushing the thought away (and willing himself to calm the hell down), InuYasha took a deep breath, grimacing at the salt that still hung in the air. Help her? How? He wracked his brains, trying to focus on what she said rather than her body… She said something about… being lost, not being able to feel happy.

'_So make her feel happy, moron! Half the youkai, half the brains?'_ InuYasha bit back a snarl. Then he realized how quiet Kagome had been while he was thinking.

Again, he mused that normally, he couldn't shut her up. This quiet Kagome was strange.

"You ready to go on that Shikon shard hunt?" he grunted, unsure of what else to say. InuYasha was a master at pissing Kagome off. He was great at making her cry, too; not that he relished that particular fact. Making her happy, though, was something he wasn't sure he would particularly excel at.

Kagome looked up at him, cheeks red from her tears. She chewed her bottom lip nervously. "I, uh…" Averting her eyes as her earlier frustration got the better of her self-discovery, she blurted out, "Kikyou doesn't want me to come. Maybe I should stay here."

InuYasha blinked, and then put two and two together. _'Oh, she fuckin' heard us and took off. Why the fuck does she always run away? Then again…she ran here and now I get to actually touch her again. Maybe she heard enough to know I wouldn't make her come back…'_ He shook his head, _'Fuck, no, or she wouldn't have left! Son of a bitch but she always jumps to conclusions…'_ He grumbled softly, waiting for Kagome to give in to her curiosity and actually meet his eye. It wasn't long.

"Wench, even if she didn't need you to stay fuckin' alive, do you really think I'd just leave you here?"

He actually sounded offended, Kagome noted. She searched his eyes for deceit and found none. "Well… I mean, she told you to. And now you have to protect me and stuff," she muttered.

"I _always_ have to protect you," he pointed out. The look on her face was priceless, though he was sure if he hadn't been holding her, she would have sat him through the floor. "But it's okay," he added quickly. She'd been moody; he didn't want to prod her into testing her reflexes. "I-I… _like_ protecting you," he continued in a mutter so low Kagome almost missed it.

'_Did he really just say that?'_ Kagome stared. "But that's stupid! You could die protecting me, InuYasha!"

He bristled at the suggestion that he was weak enough to die in a fight with a small fry youkai. Or Sesshoumaru, Kouga or Naraku, for that matter! "You make me sound like a fucking weakling," he grumbled, removing his arms from her and folding them over his chest. "I ain't gonna die. Besides, they'd all come after me anyway for being what I am. Might as well get something out of it."

'_He still wants to be a full youkai,'_ Kagome misconstrued. A wave of disappointment washed over her. _'Even though he's fine the way he is…'_ She pushed herself to her feet, hand on her temple and swaying as blood rushed from her head. InuYasha grasped her free wrist.

Once steady on her feet, Kagome tried to leave the room but InuYasha kept a firm grasp on her wrist. Realizing he must want something, she turned to look at him. "You're not getting out of it that easy, Kagome." He growled as she looked confused. "You're fucking coming with us. Go get ready to go; we got Shikon shards to find."

Kagome nodded and forced a smile before freeing her hand to scrub at her cheeks. "Let me go wash my face," she said, "and then I'll get packed."

As soon as she was out of the room, InuYasha slumped against the bed. _'Son of a bitch, this is going to be harder than I thought.'_ Something was up with Kikyou; why would she want Kagome to stay behind when Kagome was necessary to keep her alive? Then there was the issue of Kagome's weird emotions… he resolved to keep an eye on her and try to make things easier for her. Maybe Shippou could help; kami knew the brat wasn't good for much, but kitsune could put a smile on anybody's face.

Kagome appeared back in the doorway, face clean and free of the tear-marks. Unfortunately, her fresh-washed face threw the shadows she'd been wearing into sharp relief. He noticed the hollows in her cheeks and frowned. "You need to eat something when we get back to Kaede's."

Kagome waved off his concern, finishing her packing with a lighter heart. She nodded to herself as she glanced around the room. Finally, with a bit of a sigh, she hefted her bag, now filled with a few more clothes, and turned to wander out of the room.

"Well, c'mon then. Let's grab some food from Mama and head back," she called over her shoulder. He let out what anybody else would call a thankful sigh as he caught the smile on her face. It was small, but genuine…

It was a start.

-888-

Shippou stared out the door, bottom lip quivering as he remembered how Kagome had huffed her way out of the hut, radiating frustration, dejection and hurt. She didn't even stop to see if he was okay when he fell on the floor!

After getting over her shock and embarrassment of chasing Kagome away with their solicitousness, Sango took note of the obvious pout on the kitsune's face and opened her arms to him. He leapt into them, tears coming to his eyes.

"What's wrong with her, Sango?"

Sango sighed, looking to Miroku for help. He smiled wanly and joined the duo. "I'm certain Lady Kagome did not mean to drop you like that, Shippou."

"She didn't even notice!" Shippou sniffled, his tears coming faster. "It's like she's not her anymore! What if Kikyou did something to her and we don't know about it? Inu-baka probably wouldn't do anything!"

"Shippou!" Sango's voice took on a chiding tone. "InuYasha would never let anything happen to Kagome; you know that. Kagome is still her. She's just-" Sango halted again, trying to figure out how to describe Kagome's issues to the kit who was usually so quick to catch on. _'He must be really upset if he's acting like this.'_

"Lady Kagome is feeling frustrated," Miroku interjected smoothly. "You know what a big heart she has. She helped Lady Kikyou of her own free will, but it appears to have had a drastic effect on her own powers. She is probably feeling as though she is not needed."

Shippou's eyes widened. "But she's _Kagome._ Of course we need her!"

Sango grinned at the sincerity in the kit's voice. Apparently, Kagome's worth was unquestionable in his eyes. Of course, she and Miroku were of similar opinions… "I know, Shippou. But it's hard for her to see that; she's too close to the situation. So we need to be careful to make her feel useful… without babying her too much. Can you do that?"

Shippou nodded solemnly. "I'll do my best!" Then his face drooped. "But she just _dropped_ me!"

Miroku swallowed a chuckle, forcing himself to keep a serious expression on his face. "But you're okay, right? You're a tough youkai; being dropped like that was nothing to you."

Shippou blinked, and then smiled. "That's right! She knew I'd be fine, right?"

-888-

On the road bright and early the next morning, Sango sighed. They were walking easily; there was no real hurry, both Kikyou and Kagome said they could feel the shard and it remained ahead of them.

Rumors placed the shard with a youkai that had been seen on the outskirts of villages. They had decided the night before to stick to the road, in hopes that they'd run into it before it decided to attack.

"It's weird, though," Kagome piped up, breaking the silence that had fallen over the group. Sango bit back a cheer that Kagome had actually initiated a conversation. "The shard doesn't feel tainted. It doesn't feel completely pure, but it's not dark like it is with most youkai. I thought only we could purify shards," she mentioned to Kikyou, ignoring the looks of surprise that she would willingly talk to the other miko.

"It is not so strange," Kikyou chided softly. "Remember the doctor who had two souls in him?"

"Suikotsu," Kagome recited quickly. She wasn't excited, but she seemed more animated as she recalled, "The member of the Shichinintai with multiple personality disorder, I think. When he was kind, his shard was clear." She fell silent for a moment. "But I thought his shard was pure because of being so close to the holy barrier on Mount Hakurei?"

Kikyou shook her head slightly. "No. The Shichinintai were later able to go to the mountain with no adverse affects. Suikotsu was there when he met his end again. My arrow was able to push back the darkness in the shard, but it was the purity of his second soul that was able to completely eradicate the darkness, I believe."

Miroku flushed, remembering that he had been unable to do anything with impure shards before he had met Kagome. What did that say about him?

Sango had remained silent as she walked along beside him, head down. Her shoulders drew upward hearing Kikyou's comments; Kirara let out a mew and jumped off, running toward Kagome's shoulder. At the noise, Miroku looked down to realize Sango's hands were clenched tightly.

"Sango?" When she didn't respond, he stopped, grabbing her shoulders and spinning her to face him. InuYasha halted, staring at Miroku, who waved the group on. After a moment, InuYasha shrugged and beckoned the two miko to follow him.

Once they'd cleared the nearest hill, Miroku turned his attention back to Sango.

"Sango? Talk to me, please. Tell me what you're thinking."

"I'm fine," Sango insisted, refusing to look up. _'Do not show weakness. I am taijya and I am stronger than this!'_

"You are not fine," Miroku countered with frustration. Sango had been on edge since Naraku's attack, first worried about Kagome, then staring off into the distance and refusing to speak with him at length. This had to stop. "Something has obviously upset you! You are promised to me, are you suggesting you cannot trust me?" Normally able to calm himself, the tension of the past few days had begun to take their toll on everybody. Miroku breathed deeply, trying to steady his racing heart and provide a strong support for the woman he loved. "Is this about Kohaku?"

Sango's body jerked before she could suppress it. Tension wracked her frame, almost sent her trembling as she swallowed convulsively, still refusing to give in to the burning behind her eyes.

"What… what if Kohaku is lost?" she finally whispered. "Kikyou says she believes that crazy doctor could purify his shard because his soul was good. If that were true, wouldn't Kohaku not be Naraku's puppet? Wouldn't he be free and able to travel with us and avenge his people with me?"

"He would also still have memories of killing his family and comrades," Miroku pointed out softly.

It was the wrong thing to say.

"I would help him!" Sango shouted, finally raising her head to glare holes through Miroku's face. "I would support him and let him know that it wasn't his fault! I would help him heal!" She crumpled as anger gave way to despair. "I would rather he be dead that at that sick bastard's mercy," she admitted. "Every time I see him and then lose him, it's like he's dying all over again."

Miroku refused to back down in the face of Sango's anger. He took her shoulders again and shook her lightly, forcing her to pay attention to him. "We don't know that he's back in Naraku's grasp," he soothed. "Kikyou said he was traveling with her for a time. It seems as though he may be with Sesshoumaru now."

"Oh, that's a real help," Sango scoffed. "From following a blood-thirsty maniac's orders to tagging along with a blood-thirsty youkai who is well-known for hating humans. Kohaku's really moving up in the world," she sneered. "And that doesn't answer my first question," she said, growing louder as her rant picked up speed. "If Kikyou is right, and Kohaku's still in trouble, does that mean his soul is inherently bad? That doctor killed dozens of people, if not more, and was able to find salvation in the end! What if Kohaku doesn't get that?"

Miroku didn't have the answers for Sango, and refused to lie. Caught between a rock and a hard place, he stared down his fiancé until she shook herself slightly and bent to pick up her weapon.

"Come on," she sighed, "We still have a ways to go and the sun is almost setting." She refused to meet his gaze as they marched double-time to catch up with the others.

Spectacular colors had just begun to paint the sky when the group reached a small village. Petals drifted on the wind and Sango closed her eyes, recalling how Kohaku had presented her with the bouquet of flowers and made her feel so loved… these flowers had a similar scent.

"What a nice smell," Kagome said softly, taking in the view. "It's amazing. It's like the village is surrounded by flowers!"

Sango nodded, leaning down to study the blossoms. "Somehow, the fragrance relaxes my heart."

Kikyou turned to notice InuYasha and Shippou had been lagging behind. InuYasha looked incredibly disgruntled; the kitsune looked ill. _'Youkai do not get ill, do they?'_

"What is the matter?" she questioned as InuYasha drew closer.

InuYasha put his hand over the lower part of his face. "Feh. The scent's not relaxing. It's makin' me queasy."

Before Kikyou could respond, an elderly voice called out behind them. "You travelers? The sun is setting soon. You should stay in the village tonight."

"We have a house set up for travelers," another villager added. "So please, use it as you wish!"

"It's okay?" Kagome asked, looking between the villagers and InuYasha. He looked as though he would be stubborn, but Kikyou spoke up.

"It would be wise to stay here and gather our strength. The shard does not feel as though it is moving away; it feels closer. We should allow it to come to us, if possible." InuYasha reluctantly agreed.

"Well, that's lucky," Miroku stated as they headed toward a hut the villagers claimed was prepared for visitors.

-888-

After a delicious dinner and her ritual efforts to restore the barrier holding her soul inside Kikyou's body, Kagome sat against a wall and began meditating. Kaede had suggested she take up the practice in order to hone what small amount of miko power she had left. Kaede and even Kikyou both said she had untapped reserves of power inside her, but she was at a loss how to use them. Meditation, they claimed, would help.

InuYasha sat next to her, eyes shut but ears twitching at each tiny sound. She tried to clear her mind but found herself unable to. Something strange and unidentifiable was tickling at her senses. Rather than puzzle it out, Kagome turned to InuYasha instead.

"Aren't you tired, InuYasha?"

"Feh, aren't you?"

Kagome shook her head.

About to suggest she lay down anyway, InuYasha sneezed, and then sneezed harder. Sniffling, he glared around the room. "Damn it, the scent of those flowers has gotten stronger. It's disgusting!" He stared at Kagome, who was rubbing her chest lightly. "Oi, you okay?"

"It's… weird. Like my heart is being irritated," she replied, looking around the room. She was interrupted from elaborating when Shippou began sneezing, too. She stood to tend to him, but Kikyou moved faster.

InuYasha stood, walking to the door and grimacing at the smell wafting in from outside. He sneezed again.

"Hay fever?" Kagome muttered, noticing how stuffy Shippou and InuYasha seemed.

Kikyou shook her head, eyeing the door suspiciously. "Do you not feel the growing youki? Something strange is in this village. I thought it was odd that a village that did not seem prosperous would have a lodging house for travelers."

InuYasha had moved to the doorway. His low growl alerted Kagome, who moved to join him. As she watched, villagers began gathering and wandering through the flower beds. InuYasha sneezed again, three in sharp succession and the odd feeling in her heart intensified as vines suddenly began to creep out and wrap around the legs of the villagers.

"It's so comforting," one elderly man said with a strange smile, as though he did not notice the roots at all.

Another villager agreed, "My heart is comforted. Aaahhh, I'm so happy…"

The villagers, celebrating their eased hearts, began crying tears of red.

…Tears that looked very much like blood.

* * *

A/N:

The end of this chapter corresponds with the beginning of manga chapter 471, "Kaou"

As always, my sincere gratitude and love go out to my beta, angelica_incarnate, for her time and effort in reining in my runaway prose and prodding me for more in parts where words failed me.

Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha or any other characters from the anime/manga. They all belong to Rumiko Takahashi.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Crimson Tears

* * *

'_Tears of blood?'_ Kagome's eyes widened as the villagers raised their hands joyously. She felt queasy. Sure, she'd seen a lot of blood throughout her time in the Sengoku Jidai. But this… it was horrible! They were celebrating as blood rolled down their cheeks, as though they felt no pain!

Even though the scene disgusted her, Kagome felt ripples of longing ripple through her. She wanted to feel that joy; she wanted her heart to feel whole again. The irritation in her chest grew and she rubbed it idly, wondering secretly if the flowers could ease her hurt…

Seeing the expression on her face morph into one of almost hunger, InuYasha grabbed Kagome by the shoulders and whirled her away from the door and to his chest. There was no way in hell she was going out there!

Strips of paper shot past him, latching into the villagers and sending them to the ground, released from the vines and breathing heavily. A glowing arrow followed, clearing the flowers in a wave of purity. InuYasha looked up, almost startled. He'd been so focused, so concerned about Kagome he hadn't heard Kikyou move to retrieve and knock her bow; hadn't noticed Miroku and Sango rising.

"It's not like we can just let this continue," Miroku chided softly, deciding it was the wrong time to comment about the near-desperate grip InuYasha had on the younger miko. He noticed activity outside had ceased, though a cloud of darkness still hung over where the flowers had grown.

Kikyou moved past the group, stepping outside calmly. "We must tend to the villagers and dispatch the youkai threat here."

"Does it have a shard?" Sango asked anxiously. Kikyou shook her head as she led the way outside.

Kagome wriggled out of InuYasha's grasp. "She's right," she said, looking up at him. "We really should see if they're okay." Kagome turned for her first aid kit and warned Shippou to stay inside with Kirara. She had almost made it through the doorway before InuYasha grabbed her shoulder again.

"Kagome," he said seriously, staring her in the eye. "Stay with me. I don't want…" His lips thinned as he fell silent and looked over her shoulder at Kikyou. _'I don't want to lose you…'_

Her face fell as InuYasha stared past her; she knew, just _knew_ he was looking at Kikyou and thinking that she couldn't handle herself like her pre-incarnation could. She stiffened. _'I'll show him. I'll show them all!'_ This insistent need to prove herself was new… she couldn't remember feeling this way before. As much as she hated when InuYasha was injured on her behalf, she secretly loved playing the damsel-in-distress. And even though he'd gripe about "having to save her scrawny human ass" for weeks... she knew InuYasha loved playing the hero; loved being _her_ hero.

But now… her lips thinned for a moment. Would it be worth it to give up his and her contentment just so she could prove herself capable? _'Heck, yeah!'_

She nodded, forcing a smile and ignoring his narrowed gaze. Shrugging off his hand, she turned to face Miroku, Sango, and even Kikyou, looking for support. They all stared at the ground. Well, she'd just think about those strange feeling later; after she showed them she was perfectly capable of... Kagome hid her grimace as she suddenly recalled she was basically incapable of utilizing her remaining spiritual power.

"The ground," Sango said softly, "looks like people… do those plants eat people?"

"Of a sort."

The entire group spun, only to be faced with a young man - obviously youkai - floating through the flowers toward them. He was dressed in a long kimono with long, flowing hair and as he came closer, they saw he was not floating through the flowers; they simply sprang up around him as he moved over the ground.

"What did you say, you bastard?" InuYasha challenged, brandishing Tetsusaiga threateningly.

"It is a nursery for the flowers," the youkai said with a menacing smile. "What other soil would make them this happy?"

'_This happy?'_ Sango wondered, staring at the flowers. _'An earth or plant youkai… damn! They're weak but have great power with illusions.'_

Kagome gazed around at the lumps on the ground; they looked like peaceful villagers had simply been swallowed by the Earth. _'This happy? Is he talking about the villagers? They certainly don't look upset or frightened… if they were really turned into dirt.'_ The area in her chest tingled and she rubbed it absently, not noticing how the motion drew the youkai's sharp-eyed attention.

"Who the hell are you?" InuYasha yelled, placing himself between the youkai and Kagome and Kikyou. Kagome wasn't even armed!

"Kaou-sama-" one of the elderly men interrupted, waking up from where he'd fallen, broken from the trance by Miroku's sutra. He brought himself to his knees, prostrating for a moment before rising to his feet.

Kaou smiled a wicked grin before forcing his face to adopt a glimmer of concern. InuYasha snarled at the byplay. "Are you all right, my villagers? That was a horrible thing you had to experience." The false distress in his voice rippled like oil; human and hanyou alike cringed at the youki that infused the dramatically crooned statement; suddenly very aware of how the youkai had gained the complete trust and devotion of the villagers.

One man nodded that he was fine; another, studying the ground, spoke up. "Those who became soil were damaged," he mourned.

Kikyou's eyes narrowed. _'Became soil?'_ She looked around, realizing the flowers had diminished, and the youki along with it. "You're a youkai, aren't you? How is it you can mask your youki like this?"

The villagers murmured behind them anxiously before running to their huts. Miroku shifted, doing some quick thinking. _'She's right. I didn't feel youki when we entered the village, though it grew throughout the evening. I could feel it in his voice, but don't feel it now.'_ He was about to speak up when Kaou responded.

"Youki? What you people are sensing now must be contentment." His smirk grew as the flowers began to open again.

InuYasha growled as the scent picked up. "Everybody! Don't smell this stuff!"

Kagome immediately clamped her hands over her nose, too used to doing what InuYasha said in that tone of voice to think about it. Kikyou, like InuYasha, began breathing through her sleeve. Miroku and Sango, however, were on the outskirts of the purified section and the flowers bloomed right below them. They slumped to the ground; the vines beginning to curl up their legs.

"Poor girl," Kaou said with false sincerity. "Her heart aches over the continuous loss of her brother. The monk fears taking you all with him in his inevitable death…"

Kagome gaped, hands slipping slightly as she stared at the youkai. _'How does he know about Kohaku and the kazaana?'_

"They need just to entrust their bodies to the flowers," Kaou continued. "They will do that and become happy."

Kagome's eyes widened and her hands slid a little further down, entranced by the idea and ignoring that tinny voice in the back of her head telling her to stop. _'Happy? I… I want to be happy. Will my heart feel lighter, less itchy?'_

Kikyou looked torn between succumbing to the pollen and shooting back the vines now creeping toward them or keeping her arm up. She was made of ash, bones and clay… _'Perhaps I will not be as grievously affected.'_

It was InuYasha, though, horrified by the intrigued light shining in Kagome's eyes and seeing the way her hands had begun inching down her face, who acted. "Fuck you, you bastard! Kaze no Kizu!" He unleashed his fang's power straight for the youkai, wiping out the nearby flowers and with little regard for the human-shaped Earth.

When Kagome unclenched her eyes, Kaou had vanished.

"Damn it," InuYasha swore, kicking at the empty ground. "He's gone!"

Kikyou pointed at a red splatter, "You drew blood. He is injured." She spun on the ball of her foot and knelt to tend to Sango and Miroku, eyeing the nearby flowers with suspicion. "The flowers remain; he is not dead. Kagome and I will remain here and protect these two."

"I'll follow the scent of blood," InuYasha finished, sheathing his sword and turning to look at Kagome. "Wait here, Kagome."

Kagome shook her head, as though shaking thoughts away, before meeting his eyes. "No, wait! Let me come with you!"

InuYasha set his jaw. "Not fuckin' likely! Keh, against that measly youkai, just me will be enough!"

She worried her bottom lip. "What if it's not? You need somebody to watch your back for those freaky flower vine things!"

His temper broke through the dam he had built. "And what the fuck are you going to do about it? Kikyou has your miko powers; I can't take care of you and him at the same time!" Seeing the depths of pain in her eyes, InuYasha moved closer to her; close enough that she was forced to tilt her head back to maintain eye contact... close enough for her extremely weak spiritual sense to feel the spike in his youki as his eyes almost flickered red and his voice deepened to a near growl. "I'm serious, bitch. Do NOT disobey me on this."

"Kaou is likely using the pain and suffering from people's hearts as nourishment," Kikyou interjected, causing both Kagome and InuYasha to jump back about three steps. "Kagome, the way you are right now…"

InuYasha took off quickly, while Kikyou was speaking to the younger miko. "Hey!" he heard her shout, but refused to look back. _'I'm sorry Kagome, but I won't let you put yourself in danger like that.'_ He was gone in just moments.

Ignoring Kikyou's words, Kagome took off after him, calling over her shoulder, "Please take care of Sango, Miroku and the others."

-888-

_Sango smiled, tossing a small stick in the air and watching as Kohaku handily sliced it lengthways._

"_Great job, little brother! You've grown skilled with your chain scythe!" She winced as she saw the familiar darkness spread across his face, though his eyes remained clear. He averted his gaze, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot. Sango rushed to him, wrapping her arms around him. "Oh, Kohaku…"_

"_The things he made me do," Kohaku moaned, words garbled as he began to shake in her embrace. "I didn't want to- I didn't think I could-" His breath hitched and the young man began to sob, heedless of who could see or hear._

_Sango ran her hand along his head soothingly, humming softly. The humming was accented with rumbling purrs from Kirara, who had jumped on Kohaku's shoulder and was now rubbing his face with her cheek._

"_I… I don't th-think I can d-do this…"Kohaku hiccupped, pulling back suddenly to wipe his eyes and taking a deep breath. Sango waited, refusing to push him but wanting him to know she would support him. "I don't want to be a taijya," Kohaku admitted. "I may have grown in skill, but each time I-"_

_One of Sango's fingers came to rest on his lips as two hands placed themselves on his shoulders. Looking over his shoulder, Kohaku's eyes met those the color of twilight. "It's fine, Kohaku," Miroku said. "We'll support you in whatever you decide."_

_Sango smiled as Kohaku turned back to her, wide-eyed. She grabbed his hand and placed it on her stomach. "Did you know you're going to be an uncle, Kohaku?"_

_The young man shook his head, eyes focused on the hand resting on his sister's stomach._

"_You are, and I'm sure you'll be a fabulous one," Sango said. Kirara agreed with a happy 'mew'. "We're going to rebuild our family, bit by bit. No matter what you do, you'll be terrific at it. And we'll be with you every step of the way."_

-888-

Kagome climbed the steps to the castle slowly and quietly. The hair on the back of her neck was standing on end.

"Gods _damn it all, _bitch!" InuYasha landed in front of her suddenly, earning a shriek and a withering glare. "Are you _trying_ to get yourself killed?"

Kagome huffed, trying to push past him. "I'm not letting you take on some crazy flower-psycho by yourself!"

InuYasha rolled his eyes, masking his concern with frustration. "My body's stronger than a human's. It'll take more than a bit of disgusting pollen to take me down," he boasted, pushing his way in front of her. If she was going to insist on putting herself in danger, he was going to make sure he took any hits meant for her! "Make sure you cover your face, wench; the place reeks of pollen."

"The grounds are covered in flowers, too," Kagome gasped, gazing around at the seemingly-lush landscape. InuYasha growled at her from behind his sleeve to cover her face. She did so with one hand, leaving the other on his shoulder.

'_Is she looking for support or trying to support me?'_ InuYasha wondered vaguely, looking around the courtyard for any sign other than the flowers that Kaou was here.

"Welcome to my castle," Kaou called, stepping out from the shadows.

"Keh!" InuYasha snorted, drawing Tetsusaiga. "You're hurt already, this'll be a snap."

Kaou blinked and then smiled. "Oh, never mind that violence from earlier. I wasn't injured. It was an invitation."

"You were intending to lure me here?" InuYasha snarled, calling up the wind around his blade. He didn't like the look in the youkai's eyes…

"Not you," Kaou confirmed, shifting his glance to where Kagome stood behind InuYasha. "Her. Because her heart is crying."

"Kagome!" InuYasha whirled and lunged toward the girl; the flowers around her had been stained red as if with blood. He bounced back as though he had hit a brick wall.

Kagome gasped. _'I can't move!'_ She tried to call out to InuYasha but was silenced. _'I can't even talk!'_ Vines began curling up her legs, brushing against her bare thighs and wrapping around her wrists.

"You fuckin' let her go now!" InuYasha warned, taking aim at the youkai.

"It is as I suspected," Kaou said as though there were not a sword pointed at him. "Your soul is fractured, crying in pain. The vines tell me this, you know. You wish you had died, don't you?"

InuYasha reeled as though struck, eyes seeking out Kagome's for a confirmation.

"Or that she had," Kaou continued. "You just want the pain, the emptiness to end. There's only one person in the world you want," he taunted again, "and you fear you'll never have him. Allow me, little would-be miko, to give you what you wish for."

"N-no," Kagome choked out, though InuYasha couldn't figure out if she was denying Kaou's words or refusing to accept his offer.

"Your soul, broken as it is, will taste exquisite," Kaou murmured. With that, the vines tightened and pulled Kagome underground. Kaou vanished as Kagome did.

InuYasha leapt to where she had disappeared. "NO! KAGOME!"

-888-

"_Congratulations on graduating high school! How does it feel to be top in your class?" Family members and friends gathered around as Kagome thanked them all happily. She grinned up at InuYasha, who stood closest, dressed in casual slacks and a dark shirt, a matching cap covering his ears._

"_Keh, guess ya' did good, wench," he teased, bending over and tapping her on the nose with his finger. "Oi. We goin' back yet?" he groused, though there was little heat behind it._

_Kagome nodded, whispering, "Meet me back there? I'm just going to say good-bye to my friends. Then I'll come home."_

_InuYasha smirked. "You'd better… though I could think of plenty of ways to punish you if you don't keep your word." The suggestion in his voice brought a flush - whether from embarrassment or pleasure, Kagome wasn't sure – to her face. Kissing her on the forehead, InuYasha motioned to Souta and led the young teen out._

_Finally taking leave of her friends thirty minutes later, Kagome found herself kissing her mother good-bye, waving at Souta and her Jii-chan and leaping through the well. Blue light caressed her, taking her home, to _him_._

_She'd barely touched down when a clawed hand slipped in front of her. She gripped it and was hauled bodily out of the well. Standing on the edge, she was transfixed by the look of love, of contentment, of absolute adoration in his eyes. Even better, Kagome knew he was seeing _Kagome_, not her pre-incarnation._

"_InuYasha, I'm sorry… were you waiting?"_

_InuYasha smirked at her. "You idiot, what have you been up to?" He hauled her into his arms, obviously taking in her scent._

"_Kami, Kagome." He lowered his lips to hers, starting the kiss light but adding pressure until it ignited. She wrapped her arms around his neck and gasped as he nipped her lower lip._

_Passion spiraled between the two; InuYasha growled against her mouth as he hitched her leg up against his hip. "Gods, what you do to me, wench," he muttered as they came up for air._

_Kagome giggled, pressing a short kiss to the bottom of his jaw. "It's nothing compared to what you do to me," she admitted softly._

"_Keh." He tapped her nose, smirking cockily. "I can tell, bitch, I have a fuckin' nose." He made an exaggerated smell at her neck, and then groaned audibly. "And you smell absolutely delicious. You want me," he announced matter-of-factly, looking her in the eye again and looking far too pleased with himself at this revelation._

_He sat her down at the well, slowly slicing through the thin tank top she'd changed into, when white soul-stealers suddenly flitted past. InuYasha looked up, glared at the youkai, then continued in his task._

"_InuYasha," Kagome groaned. "She needs you…" She wondered why she'd bring up such a subject when his lips and tongue were creating quite a distracting tempo on her collarbone._

"_But you want me," he moaned. "Fuck her anyway." He grinned and looked up. "Or not- I'd rather fuck you."_

-888-

InuYasha turned to the castle, unleashing a sankon-tetsusou on the nearby flowers and vines before racing into the castle – and charging headlong into a barrier.

"Son of a bitch!" He whipped out his sword, using a Kaze no Kizu to clear the air and destroy the nearby flowers. He then turned to the barrier, willing the red barrier-breaking ability alive. "_Kagome!_" He swiped but was repelled, flinging him backwards again.

"Kagome! Where are you?" He cursed the pollen; he couldn't track Kagome's scent. He swung at the barrier again but didn't make a dent.

Slamming Tetsusaiga back in its sheath, he attempted to claw through the barrier, growing more frantic. "KAGOME!"

InuYasha slumped to the ground, panting, occasionally flicking his wrist to decapitate flower vines. _'What the fuck do I do now? I can't get through this barrier! Damn it!'_ He slammed a fist to the ground. He could go get Kikyou… but he'd be leaving Kagome in danger!

"Fucking hell!" he shouted, "Wait for me, Kagome! Don't you fucking give in to him!" The mental image of Kagome wrapped in soil, as though buried, like she was– he shook his head as it nearly brought him to his knees. _'No! She's not gonna die; she said she'd stay by my side and she fucking meant it!'_

Seeing the hut the villagers had offered them, InuYasha picked up his pace and nearly closed his eyes in relief when he saw Sango and Miroku standing and well clear of the deadly plants. As he landed, he absently noted the air around the pair crackling whenever the vines tried to reach them.

Kikyou rose to her feet swiftly as InuYasha ran up. "Where is Kagome?"

"Why the fuck did you let her follow me?" InuYasha demanded. Before Kikyou could answer, he grabbed her arm. "Fuck that, you can explain on the way." Kikyou gasped as he threw her on his back. She bit her lip to keep from her immediate reaction upon being manhandled: purification.

"The youkai has my reincarnation," Kikyou surmised quietly, knowing he would hear even over the rush of wind in his ears. She clenched her eyes shut, hoping the pell-mell dash would end shortly.

InuYasha choked back a curse as his leaping up the stairs prompted Kikyou to tug sharply on his hair. Her legs barely grazed his sides, dangling almost uselessly; but he feared purification should he even move toward grabbing her thighs to support her as he did for Kagome. _'Kagome... fuck, I want to be carrying her!'_

"Yes, he fuckin' has her," InuYasha said, letting Kikyou slip down. She immediately backed out of his reach, as though she feared he'd grab her again. "_Kagome!"_

-888-

"_Kagome!" His body began to shake. She been so thrilled InuYasha had stayed with her – had ignored her pre-incarnation's summons – that she'd been brazen enough to put his pleasure first._

_He'd complained until her lips hit his erection. The only thing he'd managed to say afterward had been various curses, moans… and her name._

_She reveled in it, in the feeling of being the center of his world, in knowing she pleasured him physically, mentally, emotionally…_

Kagome stood against a post, wrapped with vines until they were like a second skin. Tears of blood poured down her face, leaving a trail of crimson in their wake.

"What a beautiful face," Kaou said softly. "Don't hold yourself back. It's fine to cry even more."

_Kagome had only a moment to wipe her mouth before he hauled her off her knees to kiss him. He groaned into the kiss at the taste of his release on her tongue._

"Kagome!"

_How was he shouting her name if he was kissing her? _'InuYasha?'

"Step aside."

_No, he'd ignored the summons. Even Kikyou could take a hint, right? So why would she be there now? Kagome kept her eyes shut, certain she'd see the miko behind them. Was that it? Was he going to hell with her, and just wanted one last time for his memories? No… he'd said he wouldn't leave her after the encounter with Naraku's baby. _'I won't go! I won't leave your side again!'_ Sure, he'd gone off, like she expected, but…_

"Kagome!"

'_InuYasha?'_

"It's too late. She is shedding plentiful, peaceful tears. Soon she will become happy soil."

'_That's right! The flower youkai!'_ Kagome eyes snapped open. "_InuYasha!_"

An arrow zipped into the room, barely missing Kaou as he flung himself to the side. "Why?" he snarled at Kagome as InuYasha and Kikyou entered the room. "I merely showed you the dream you wished for!"

Kagome began to writhe in the flowers' grip, afraid the pollen would suck her under again. A second arrow, glowing pink, embedded itself in the wood near her side. The flowers exploded into fireworks of fluttering petals and the vines reared back, flailing with pain from the purifying light.

Kagome looked up as she hit the ground. "InuYasha!" It looked like he'd attempted to hit Kaou and been sucked in up to the arm; vines like so many noodles snuck around, attempting to dig into the hanyou's chest.

"It's all right. If I cannot have the girl, I shall have your heart instead!"

Another arrow whizzed over InuYasha's shoulder, decapitating Kaou and pushing back the creepers that had begun to snake into InuYasha's chest and upper arm. The moment he was free, he turned and ran to Kagome, grabbing her by the upper arms.

"Kagome! Are you all right?" The copper stench of her blood stank in his nose and he growled. "Are you injured anywhere else?" He ached to find out what she had seen but knew now was not the time.

Kagome gasped. "I'm okay. I just- Kikyou!"

Choking from behind them made InuYasha curse and spin; seeing Kikyou in the vines' clutches made him snarl. With a lingering glance at Kagome, he ran to Kikyou in the doorway, slicing the vines away.

"That woman's soul…" The voice echoed again from the darkness and InuYasha glanced about, supporting Kikyou, who had slipped unconscious after the vines' attack.

"Where are you, you bastard?" InuYasha shouted, still unable to scent his prey over the sickening stench of the flowers.

"Her soul is just as wounded as the girl's," Kaou continued. "What a wonderful flavor… they look so similar but I never guessed they'd both taste so delicious."

InuYasha let out a feral growl. "Kagome, get your ass over here," he demanded, unsure of where the enemy would strike from but wanting both his charges in the same spot. Kagome moved until she was standing behind him, outside the room decorated with flowers.

Kaou's voice rang from the shadows of the room. "Do you know the cause of their pain, hanyou? Why their souls are in such appetizing agony? The cause of their pain is-"

Kikyou started in InuYasha's arms, silencing his snarl. "Silence, youkai!" She commanded, hand clenching on her bow as she pushed herself to standing.

"Kikyou," InuYasha motioned to halt her but stopped as she drew an arrow and stepped further through the doorway. "He is silent, which means he knows my thoughts. Prepare yourself!" She let fly an arrow, glowing much brighter than before. It hit the wall with the sound of gunfire.

InuYasha gaped. _'The flowers are gone… is Kaou dead?'_

Kagome looked around the room. "Where is he?"

Kikyou's eyes, narrowed in thought, took in the now-destroyed wall. "The vile creature must have escaped. There are no flowers for him to hide in."

Kagome made a sound of agreement, which quickly turned into a shriek as Kaou rose up directly behind her. InuYasha moved to leap to her side but, like Kikyou, was quickly wrapped in vines. Kikyou radiated purifying energy but had little to spare, having put so much into her arrows. She began to sink again into the vision.

InuYasha writhed, growling, eyes beginning to bleed red as his youkai blood burned against the pollen being injected into his body through the flowers. The more he struggled, the harder the plants gripped him. The harder they held him, the more his blood rose, until purple crests began to carve themselves high on his cheeks.

"I will have you!" Kaou, a large head on a mass of vines, leaned open-mouthed toward Kagome.

Kagome screamed and turned her head, "NO!"

"Descend with me into the world of dreams," he ordered, "where you shall have your heart's desire and forever feed my beautiful flowers!"

"_No!_" Kagome shouted again, seeing InuYasha in the throes of a transformation. Something in her broke, painfully, but flooded her body with determination and… hope? Love, that was for sure.

Looking at her body, Kagome realized she was emitting a bright white light – just barely pink-tinged, like the jewel had been a day after it was torn from her body. It washed over the area in waves, causing the flowers to shrink back and waking Kikyou, who began to glow pink steadily. It flowed over InuYasha, whose eyes began to flicker gold as his crests started to fade. The light was warm to the touch, though Kaou drew back, hissing angrily. _'Could this be-'_

"With that power," Kaou sneered, "my vines will thrive for centuries! Come and dream with me!"

"Never!" Kagome snapped, turning her attention to the youkai in front of her. "My dreams are my own, and I will not share them! Whatever it is that's wounding me… there's no unhappiness for you to devour!" The light rushed over Kaou like water and he began to scream in pain.

The glow flashed once, twice, then pulled back into Kagome's body, leaving Kikyou and InuYasha standing free, the area cleared of youkai plants. The dust, all that was left of Kaou's purified body, blew away on the breeze.

Turning, Kagome managed to partially extend one hand, "Inu...Yasha...?"

Kagome fainted.

-888-

Kagome's eyes fluttered open as InuYasha walked them into the hut. Very tiredly, she insisted on dressing InuYasha's injuries first. "After all," she said softly, painfully, "it was my fault you have them in the first place."

"The fuck it is!" InuYasha moved to grab her arm, noticed all his friends staring, and settled for slamming his fist into the floor. "If you didn't notice, wench, you took the damn youkai out yourself!" In fact, InuYasha sounded very put-upon at this fact, and Kagome forced a smile for his benefit. Anybody watching could notice, though, that Kagome's thoughts were miles away as she wrapped bandages around his chest.

'_I can't feel anything inside me,'_ she pondered. _'What was that light? Was that what Kikyou and Kaede talked about? If it was, why can't I find it now?'_ She huffed, frustrated._ 'Kaou was right when he called me a "would-be miko." I may have killed him but I don't know how I did it…'_

"Kagome!" Startled, she looked up into InuYasha's eyes, which were boring a hole through her head. "I said, are you all right?"

"Y-yeah," she stammered, looking at the floor. "I was unprepared for him to come up from below me like that. Sorry."

The group looked taken aback at her apology, which made her feel even worse. _'Why would they be so surprised I apologized? Have I been that awful?'_ Tears began to build in her eyes at the look in his… so full of… she didn't want to put an emotion to the look, or she knew it would break her heart. It was like in her dream. She looked away. "Your voice… yours and Kikyou's… they brought me to my senses."

InuYasha glared at each member of the group in turn, strongly encouraging them to busy themselves with their own tasks, before he gently pushed the now silent girl through the open doorway.

Once outside and away from prying eyes, InuYasha cupped Kagome's face; brushing his thumbs softly over her cheeks. Her beautifully clear tears, crawling slowly from her eyes, had begun to wash away the tracks of blood remaining there. For the first time, he was thankful for the scent of salt: it overwhelmed the lingering coppery smell that had clung to her.

"Kagome," he whispered, "tell me what he made you see." His voice was soft but intense; she shivered as it washed over her.

Her breath hitched as his hands moved to her shoulders. "You have to tell me," he insisted. "I can't protect you from stuff if I don't know what I'm supposed to be protecting you from!"

'_Oh, InuYasha,'_ Kagome mourned, _'how can you protect me from my heart? From you? It's too late now…'_ She didn't want, no, _couldn't_ tell him that. He'd only feel guilty and she'd feel as though she was forcing his hand to make a decision. It wasn't her choice to make, no matter how much it killed her.

She raised her head to the sky to avoid his penetrating eyes, taking in the sliver of moon that hung there. _'He'll be human tomorrow night,'_ she mused.

"Kagome!" He'd apparently had it with nice words. "Damn it, wench!" His hands clenched on her shoulders. _'She killed that youkai without a second thought and I don't know how she did it. It wasn't like her miko powers.'_ He growled under his breath. He didn't like being in the dark about anything concerning the girl, and there were far too many unanswered questions this night. "Tell me!"

Kagome waved her hands. "It- it's nothing you can fix." _'At least, nothing you want to fix,'_ she finished mentally.

InuYasha's eyes narrowed on the girl; she refused to meet his eyes as she stood and moved to go into the hut. He often played the "idiot" card but it was plain to even him that the girl was upset about something… and if she couldn't stand to look at him, it probably involved him.

Kaou's words echoed in his head. _'There's only one person in the world you want, and you fear you'll never have him. Allow me, little would-be miko, to give you what you wish for.'_ InuYasha's fists clenched and he gazed over his shoulder to where he knew Kagome was brushing her hair, preparing for sleep. _'Fucking hell, Kagome… don't you know anything?'_

_

* * *

_

This chapter corresponds with the manga chapters 472: "Kaou", 473: "Tears Of Blood", 474: "Wounded Heart"

"Sankon-tetsusou" – Iron Reaver, Soul Stealer

As always, my sincere gratitude and love go out to my beta, angelica_incarnate, for her much-needed help reining in my severely overwhelming tidal wave of plot bunnies.

Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha or any other characters from the anime/manga. They all belong to Rumiko Takahashi.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

What Lies Inside

* * *

Kagome's eyes fluttered open as a beam of light burned through the open window. Turning slightly, her eyes met a steady blaze of gold; more intense than the sunlight. InuYasha stared unflinchingly at her, as though he could read her mind, as though he was looking at her very soul… at least, what little of it remained.

Kagome quickly twisted her face away, wishing she hadn't as her head began to pound in time with her heart – faster than normal. She wasn't sure whether that was remnants of the dream or the eyes that had seemed to follow her into waking; quite frankly, no matter what the hammering was from, it was unwelcome at that time.

Heat rose in Kagome's cheeks as images from her dream – obviously inspired by Kaou's vines the night before – flickered through her mind. Just as speedily as they tore through her memories, she squashed them aside, feeling a wave of revulsion in her mind.

Trying to figure out just what was going on in that miko's mind, InuYasha began trying to categorize the emotions flickering through her. It'd been harder since she gave so much of herself to Kikyou; they were muted, as though stifled under a blanket, but he needed so badly to know what she was thinking after the clusterfuck the night before had been… _'Embarrassment, shame… arousal?'_ InuYasha had to bite back a growl as that last spicy scent laced its way into hers, sooooo tempting…

'_Not now, damn it!'_ He shifted uncomfortably, trying to focus on what Kagome could have in her mind that could bring forth that particular combination of scents… and the sour, defeated look on her face. In fact, she looked really damned ashamed of herself.

"Oi," he muttered. "You 'bout ready to go?"

Kagome started, having slipped back into her thoughts. It was only after InuYasha pulled her back out that she realized they were quite alone in the little hut. Her eyes wide, she peered around the room anxiously. "Where is everybody else?"

"They went on ahead," he said gruffly. "Kikyou's leading them toward that shard. We thought you should get some sleep, especially after all the shit you went through last night."

Rather than feeling better, like he'd hoped, Kagome's face fell.

'_I knew it; I'm such a waste of space. I wasn't the only one attacked last night but they were all up early and ready to go. Here I am lazing the day away…'_ She pushed away the thought, knowing she couldn't distract herself with her failings right now – InuYasha was undoubtedly anxious to get going, no matter how unusually well he was hiding it.

Somewhere, in the back of her mind, a little voice told her it was a ludicrous idea; if there was anything InuYasha _wasn't_, it was quiet when he was pissed off. He'd rant and rave and call her a "weak human" and bitch at her until she planted his face into the ground or until she burst into tears, depending on her mood at the time… and the time of the month.

'_So why isn't he yelling at me now?'_ Kagome wondered as she stood. InuYasha was by her side in a second as she wobbled, weak in the knees. Once she was standing solidly, he backed away; that tinge of need had leaked back into her scent the moment he touched her and he was hard-pressed not to let out a whine. Feeling the heat from his cheeks burning, he spun quickly, staring at the opposite wall. "You okay? Don't be so worried about them going on ahead. We can catch up easily enough."

Kagome's face fell as InuYasha pulled away from her the moment she was able to stand on her own. She'd give anything – up to and including the entire Shikon no Tama – to feel that fire in her veins that had ignited the moment his skin made contact with hers. It reminded her that she _could_ feel something other than a constant barrage of negative emotions. But just as quickly as it had rushed, scorching, through her body, he pulled away, seemingly indifferent to her lusty reaction.

A stiff, unwelcome silence descended between the two; after a moment, Kagome moved over to her bag and began getting ready for the day. There was no sense in trying InuYasha's patience; no matter how thoughtful he was being now, he'd eventually grow tired of her dallying and begin grousing at her.

Seeing Kagome was well on her way to getting them out of the hut and on the road, InuYasha meandered outside to let her get changed. He fought with himself every step of the way, too… even a few feet was too far away when she had been in danger like the night before.

His frown became more pronounced as he realized he was brooding worse than a mother hen. _'What the hell?'_ It wasn't like him to get so worked up over her being taken – well, it was, but he was usually over it by now. It wasn't as thought Kagome had never been kidnapped before. Hell, it seemed like everybody in fucking Japan wanted to get their hands on her for some reason or another. InuYasha had thought himself rather reluctantly resigned to the process, but now…

'_What was so different about last night? Why am I still fucking harping on it?'_ Was it was Kaou had said? _"I merely showed you the dream you wished for!"_

What had she seen? What had made her cry those tears of blood? The meekness in her manner afterward, the distance she put between herself and her friends… her reluctance to talk about what had happened, they all added up to something that made his ears twitch and his insides clench. None of it was right, none of it was _Kagome_.

InuYasha just wanted _his_ Kagome back. The girl who chattered too much, who smiled and laughed too often, who took everything he threw at her and tossed it back in his face.

"H-hey," a hand fell on his shoulder and he whirled around, wondering how he hadn't heard or smelled or felt her coming. He hated how _diminished_ she seemed now… it was like she gave almost everything she had – everything she was – to Kikyou, apparently just to appease him. It rankled in him that she could think he wanted that sort of sacrifice.

InuYasha could pinpoint the exact moment she saw the emotion in his eyes - he didn't try to hide it; he couldn't hide anything from her willingly anymore and knew it, even as it frustrated him (how could she be so perceptive to some things and so blind to others?). He frowned as she looked away, as though ashamed… _'Why? Why would she do that?'_

He hated the day before his human night. He always thought too much.

"Oi," he called softly, regaining her attention, "You ready to go?" He noted the stuffed backpack and smirked when he noticed what she had in her hand – a steaming cup of noodles.

Realizing what he was looking at, she forced a smile. "I didn't know if you'd eaten yet this morning."

"Keh, Kikyou made some stew this morning." He grumbled to himself as her face fell. "Feh, stupid wench! Have I ever said 'no' to ramen?" He snatched up the cup indignantly, double-checking with her that it was ready to eat before scarfing down the treat. She giggled – a real, true giggle, small but enough to make him feel lighter than air – as he slurped up the last noodle.

"Well, what we waitin' here for? Let's go!" InuYasha grabbed her and threw her on his back, rejoicing in the familiar way she molded herself to him as he sped in the direction she pointed.

The two were so lost in the other – secretly wishing for more but refusing or perhaps unable to go that extra step – that they never noticed the eye hovering over the recently vacated hut.

-888-

The group traveled in silence. Sango sat astride Kirara, looking back every once in a while and wondering if Kagome would be alright. She hadn't so much as twitched when they were preparing to leave and, though InuYasha was silently threatening their lives, they hadn't been very quiet in their efforts to pack up, eat and leave. Kagome hadn't even woken to Shippou's panicked tears as they dragged him kicking and screaming, promising that he could see her once she got some rest.

Sango sighed. Now Shippou was tagging along on Miroku's shoulder, though he kept taking off to run around. She had tried to convince the kit by insisting that with InuYasha staying with Kagome, they'd need a "strong youkai like him" to protect the group. Her eyes narrowed as she remembered Kikyou's reply.

"_I'm sure we do not require a youkai child's assistance. We must move swiftly or the shard will move out of our reach."_

Sango tried to feel sorry for the woman; she truly did. But this was the person who had caused so many problems between InuYasha and Kagome, the person who had traveled with Kohaku but would not shed light on how her little brother was doing. This was the woman who had sent her little brother off on his own, to be picked up by a youkai lord known for hating humans. Kirara let out a muffled growl as Sango inadvertently twisted the handfuls of hair she held.

"Sorry, Kirara," she said, smoothing the agitated fur. Kirara purred her forgiveness and moved lower to the ground as Kikyou beckoned.

"The shard's kehai is moving toward us. It is still beyond a day's travel, however, and will remain that way unless we or whatever holds it speed up."

Miroku shared a significant look with Sango. "We'll have to find a safe place to bed for the night, then."

Sango's eyebrows quirked in confusion. Miroku jerked his head toward the sky and Sango let out a near silent, "Oh." She noticed Kikyou's confused look but refused to provide an answer; it was InuYasha's secret to tell, not hers.

"So," she said, fingering the bands on Hiraikotsu speculatively, "I doubt the shard is with one of Naraku's minions; I'd expect they'd come to us, unless they're trying to lead us into a trap..."

"The shard is not tainted," Kikyou said softly. "It feels pure. I believe it may be Kohaku."

"Kohaku?" Sango's head shot up quickly and she cringed, dropping it back just as suddenly as one of the bones in the back of her neck popped uncomfortably. Kirara twisted her head, giving Sango a worried look out of one large eye, and rumbled angrily at the miko on the ground below.

At the youkai's apparent chastisement, Kikyou nearly rolled her eyes. Though she stopped that particular emotion from showing, she couldn't stop them from widening dramatically that blacking her features had been necessary at all; _'Have I become so… callous? And yet, so willing to show such an unbecoming emotion?'_

She clenched her fists and jaw, the only outward sign of the emotions roiling within. Her reaction was inexcusable. What if it was Kaede or InuYasha who had been under Naraku's control? Kikyou admitted in the privacy of her mind that she did not know if she would be as strong as Sango appeared… and wondered if like herself, Sango wore a mask and hid her true feelings from the outside world.

There was no way, Kikyou reminded herself, that she could blame the woman for wishing for little more than her brother's safe return. Both taijya suffered cruelly at Naraku's hands; the young man may have finally shaken free of Naraku's hold, but the aftereffects had poisoned his mind and gave him nightmares. InuYasha had filled her in on his group's sundry reasons for seeking the evil hanyou; surely, having lived through her brother's slaughter, Sango bore similar memories.

Kikyou felt like cringing; how could she have come so close to sharing such a horrible reaction? She had been raised to think first and act second; they were lessons that were much harder to follow under Kagome's influence and found she did not care for it. To be honest, it reminded her of InuYasha…

High above, Sango had buried her face in Kirara's fur, though she could feel Miroku's eyes on her. She didn't need his pity… Sango warred with herself, wondering if she should take Kirara on ahead to see if she could find Kohaku.

Then she reminded herself that the group would need every member of the group to stay on guard. Naraku grew more dangerous with each day he held the jewel… as far as they were aware, he held all but one shard. With Kagome powerless and InuYasha essentially out of the picture that night, she couldn't afford to go off after Kohaku; of course, she wouldn't be able to find him anyway… but Kirara could probably sniff him out…

The need to protect her one remaining blood relative warred with her desire to stick near her friends in their time of need. The logic behind staying with the group battled the emotional outpouring at the thought of seeing her brother again.

"_The things he made me do," Kohaku moaned, words garbled as he began to shake in her embrace. "I didn't want to- I didn't think I could-" His breath hitched and the young man began to sob, heedless of who could see or hear._

Sango's heart contracted as she remembered her vision from the night before. It nearly stopped in her chest as she realized that deep inside, she couldn't bear to see her brother just then; the wounds Kaou had opened were not yet scarred over enough… guilt flooded her and she stared at the ground rushing by below.

Just then, Shippou zipped past Kikyou panting, breaking the silence as he cried out, "Miroku, Sango! You have to see this! I found a body, but it's all wrong!"

Miroku was the first to respond. "Wrong? What do you mean?"

"I – I – I…" Shippou was shivering with fear, the hair on his tail standing completely on end. "It's just… it's like he shed his skin or something! It's really weird!"

"Take us to him," Kikyou ordered softly. Shippou bristled a bit at the command – if it didn't come from Kagome (or sometimes Sango), he didn't want to follow it… and this was the mean person who had always made Kagome cry. He looked to Sango, who nodded her agreement. Kirara mewed in support.

"Okay." He scampered off ahead, making sure to go just as fast as he knew Kirara could fly, but just a little too speedy for humans. Maybe they'd leave Kikyou in the dust for a while.

As he skidded to a stop near his find, Shippou was disappointed when he realized Kikyou had summoned some of her creepy snake-like soul collectors to carry her. He pouted for a moment before turning to Miroku. "He has no bones! See?"

-888-

InuYasha and Kagome caught up with the group just outside a teahouse set up for travelers. Kikyou studied them as InuYasha bounded in, Kagome clinging to his back as easily as she breathed. In fact, she laughed as he pushed off from a nearby tree, taking off higher into the sky than usual. It was amazing, the simple lengths he would go to when he let his guard down…

"You guys didn't get very far," he chided lightly as he skidded to a halt in front of the group. Even Kikyou could tell he wasn't very perturbed, though, and shrugged off his "attitude" in favor of a meal and some conversation.

"We found something strange," Sango informed him, motioning to where Miroku stood speaking with an elderly man, most likely the proprietor.

Bouncing in Kagome's arms, Shippou waved at InuYasha. "I found it!" He lapped up the praise and attention Kagome bestowed upon him softly, burying his head into her shoulder to properly smell her. _'Dog-boy needs to do something quick… Kagome's almost fading away!'_ He let out a small whimper at the thought and took reassurance in the weight of her arms.

"We've already found the corpses of ten people in the same condition," the man was telling Miroku as they gathered around, greetings completed.

"Condition?" Kagome asked.

"With just their bones removed," Sango answered. "Probably the work of a youkai," she mused, rubbing Kirara's head.

Kikyou nodded in agreement, raising an eyebrow as InuYasha muffled a curse.

"Ah!" Miroku exclaimed, as though just remembering. "The nearest village, is it within walking distance? Would we make it before sunset?"

The owner nodded. "Yes, of course. It's only a couple hours that direction. With the assistance of your youkai friends, you should get there easily enough."

"What about this youkai? Do you know what it looks like?" Kikyou asked.

The elderly man rubbed his chin in thought. "According to those who were able to escape with their lives, the youkai was in the form of a woman. One of such beauty never imagined in this world."

Kagome and Sango sighed; InuYasha face morphed into a deadpan expression. Conversely, Miroku's eyes gained a curious twinkle. "I shall go to meet her!" he exclaimed, "Tonight!"

Sango seethed as the owner composed a note to his brother, an innkeeper, in the village ahead. "To slay her, right?" he babbled excitedly. "You're certain to get your chance. It seems that youkai appears in the dead of the night. In any case," he added with a flourish of the brush, "please take care of it! My brother will board you most comfortably as payment. The village is of a smaller size but well-traveled; even youkai are welcome there."

-888-

Sango counted her knives, slipping them into various holders as she finished her preparations.

"So are you really coming with me, Sango?" Miroku asked with a somewhat mournful note in his voice. Truthfully, he felt the hunt would be good to distract her, but did not want to appear too eager for her company.

"We're slaying a youkai, _right_?" Sango confirmed, slinging Hiraikotsu across her shoulders. Her dinner had settled well, she noted, and she was not too full to move easily or face cramps.

Miroku waved his arms happily. "But of course, my dear Sango! You wound me to suggest otherwise!"

"I'll wound you all right, lecher," Sango mumbled, more out of habit than actual frustration. She looked up and cast her gaze around the room, noting that while Kikyou was meditating in a corner and Shippou was playing near the door, Kagome and InuYasha were nowhere to be found.

"Where are they?" she asked, still bent over and tucking her remaining knife in her boot. It was difficult to place just so, where it would not impede running, would not fall out, but would also not slice through leather or muscle.

"Kagome went outside for some fresh air before nightfall. Undoubtedly, InuYasha accompanied her," Miroku responded. His eyes strayed to the tantalizing backside presented before him… but wisps of visions from the night before danced before his eyes and he clenched his hands into fists instead.

There was no use inviting what he could not, in clear conscience, have.

-888-

"Kagome?" InuYasha came up behind the girl who relaxed on the ground, Kirara curled around her feet, just outside the tree line on the edge of the village. She looked near boneless, exhausted and yet determined to stay awake after infusing her powers into Kikyou an hour early. Kikyou had been obviously confused by the change in schedule but accepted it without question.

Seeing her so… weak, so helpless, destroyed him. Did she ever do anything for herself? Catching his scent on the wind, Kirara scampered back toward the inn, leaving the two alone. "Oi, wench, c'mere." Cursing his fading sense of smell, he nearly dragged her to him the moment she was within reach.

Damn his human night…

For a few moments that dragged on like eternity, InuYasha raked Kagome's face with his eyes. With a downturn to her lips – a direct contract to her usual smile – and a dullness to her eyes that had smothered the sparkles ever since giving more of her soul to Kikyou, it was almost like he was holding a puppet of the girl. Her faded scent and his waning senses toyed with him, made speaking easier. It was like he was in a dream, an illusion –

Illusions. _'Fuck.'_ Would he ever be able to stare at her without seeing shadows of those bloody tears tracking down her cheeks?

"You have to stay with me tonight, Kagome."

Kagome looked up in confusion. It wasn't a request; it was an order. But where would she possibly go? "I know… it's the new moon; of course I'm staying with you." Her insistence lacked its usual heat and he grew frustrated at his inability to share his feelings with the one person who had brought them out so whole-heartedly.

"You saved Kikyou," he went on, stumbling a bit. It was imperative, he knew, to get this out in the open now… before he became a pansy human, before he ran the risk of losing complete control. He would be trapped between the two women in his life that night and more vulnerable than ever. "And I don't know what you were thinking when you did." She opened her mouth to explain and he cut her off. "But it really doesn't matter."

Kagome cocked her head in confusion. It wasn't often InuYasha babbled like this.

"Son of a – Damn it all, Kagome, but I _need_ to know what you saw!"

Her eyes widened and she averted her gaze to the side, unintentionally baring her neck to him but looking the role of enticing vixen nonetheless. He gulped, willing himself to calm before adding, "Why won't you tell me?" A bit of his human emotions began to surge as the sun began to sink and he murmured helplessly, "Don't you trust me?"

Kagome choked on her disbelief, rushing to him in her need to reassure. "That's not it! That's not it at all! It's just…"

She trailed off, unsure of where to begin. What was she supposed to say? _'Oh, I saw you and me. And you wanted me and it was me you chose and then-'_ She flushed, remembering the pure lust that had flowed through her, that burned in her veins when she awoke that morning to his intense gaze, and that rose in her now as she remembered… his taste, his texture, it had felt so _real_.

She met his gaze and flinched. He'd think she was disgusting, hentai like Miroku; he certainly didn't think of _her_ that way. If anything, he'd feel guilty that he couldn't return her feelings or perhaps even scorn her for them.

Would he see her as weak? Unable to control even her most base desires? She was already the most helpless of the group; shouldn't she be able to control at least something?

Maybe it'd hurt him, make him think she wanted him only for his body – she knew that feeling all too well, had wondered too often if InuYasha kept her around as a living and breathing reminder of what he had loved and lost and loved again…

Those eyes… his gaze smoldered through her and lit a fire within her only he could stoke and _kami-sama_ she wanted that…

Kagome didn't know if she'd moved or if he'd taken her into his arms. Her knees were like jell-o so maybe she'd lost her balance but he was _there_ – and then she was sobbing relentlessly into his chest, soaking his haori as she babbled out a confession, hoping upon hope that she didn't confess anything she wasn't ready to (_'I love you. I need you. Never leave me. I'll die if you go. I need you to touch me, to love me, to hold me together.'_).

InuYasha stared down at the crying girl in confusion. He could barely make out what she was saying – something about that "skool" thing of hers and classes and him being there? He blanched. Did she not want him there? Then she was muttering about saving Kikyou and choices and wanting to be herself and not anybody else…

'_Wait.'_

InuYasha hauled the girl away from him, hands on her shoulders, staring her in the face as she hiccupped and tried to control herself. Tears gathering in her eyes caught the sunlight and almost brought back the bit that made her Kagome, rather than the primarily submissive wench she'd become.

The sun set and his hair bled an inky black; the only thing he noticed was the way her lower lip wobbled, the way she almost bit it but it pouted too far for her to rein it in…

As his emotions surged, he gave in to his greatest fear and yet fulfilled his deepest wish – he bent down and kissed her.

She was salty, like tears, and he wished his senses were normal so he could truly taste her but she wasn't ready for any more, anyway. He put a gentle pressure against her lips, cupping the side of her face with a hand and trailing claw-less fingertips across her cheekbone, wiping away the tears as his lips soothed away her pain.

As she melted into him, he pulled away. "Stupid girl! Baka, baka wench!"

She gasped and he cursed himself and his inability to ever think things through before he said them. "You are Ka-Go-Me. Only Kagome." It was his turn to avert his eyes as a blush stole across his cheeks. "Only Kagome… and Kagome was who I was worried about. You were nearly taken from m- us." He frowned, trying to stem the flow of his words before he said something he couldn't take back, couldn't admit yet... but his human heart would not be denied on this of all nights and he fell headlong into his own admission, "It kills me to see you like this, wench. You may be Kagome… but you're not _really_ Kagome anymore." He reached out to grab her hand, still not meeting her gaze.

"I don't know how, but I'm going to fix this for you." His declaration, so strongly stated, echoed her own thoughts…

If her actions put him in any form of pain, she'd push through hers to at least try to act normal.

They stood silent for a moment, unknowingly sharing the same thought. _'For you, it's the least I can do…'_

-888-

Kikyou's eyes went wide as InuYasha and Kagome carefully made their way into the rooms, just minutes after Sango and Miroku left.

'_He looks just like I imagined he would. Still very handsome… even more handsome, truly, with the dark features.'_ Still, there were shadows there that had nothing to do with his bone structure and everything, she would bet, with the younger miko whose progress he followed around the room with anxious eyes.

"Damn it," he cursed softly, sliding to the floor with a _thump_. He clutched the sword with frustration. "Why did it have to come at a time like this? I hardly did anything last night…"

Kikyou let out an "oh" of understanding as InuYasha's friends' behavior throughout the day suddenly came back. "The first night of each month, am I right?"

She had wondered, had always known hanyou had a night of weakness, but had never seen InuYasha's…

InuYasha narrowed his eyes but jerked his head roughly. "Yeah." She wondered what had upset him so. His eyes continuously darted back to Kagome, who had sat down on the other side of the room to sing a lullaby to Shippou. Kikyou couldn't imagine the girl had done anything to hurt him, but a wave of envy stole over her as she realized Kagome must have known for such a long time, when she had never been given the chance to learn.

"I had hoped to one day see you like this," she said lightly, trying to draw out a conversation.

"Yeah, well, it seems just about everybody has," he grumped. "Fuckin' Kouga knows, Kagura knew… _damn it all_, why don't we just tell Naraku, too, and get it over with?"

"It can't be helped," Kagome murmured as she came to sit next to InuYasha. She looked strange; like a person in pain forcing themselves to be at ease. Kikyou noted Kagome wasn't a good liar.

Kikyou forced her face to stay immobile as his eyes darkened with worry; Kagome was walking weakly. _'Would he be as worried about me if I were so weak?'_ Almost immediately, she felt guilty for thinking such a thing; InuYasha had shown his concern for her many times and she had rebuffed his efforts.

"We probably could have gone with the taijya and monk," Kikyou said softly, trying to draw InuYasha's attention. "If you had truly wanted to, that is."

InuYasha shook his head, but Kagome beat him to it. "Tetsusaiga won't work on the night of the new moon," she pointed out. Then she let out an unladylike snort. "And InuYasha has a bad habit of fighting as though he's hanyou… even when his youkai blood is dormant."

She smiled and InuYasha made as though to hush her, though his efforts went unappreciated. "The night I learned about his secret, we were attacked by Spiderheads." Kagome met Kikyou's eyes in the firelight and smiled wryly. "He fought to protect Shippou, a girl named Nazuna, and me… or, if you ask him," she added with a pointed glare, "to protect the shards we had managed to collect."

"Keh," InuYasha scoffed, crossing his arms and refusing to look at either of the women. Perhaps they'd accept the heat on his face as that from the fire.

"So he didn't mean to show you?" Kikyou pressed, and Kagome blinked.

'_Is she… could she actually be jealous of me?'_ Kagome found the idea ludicrous, but she was far too familiar with the emotion to not be able to place it. "No," she assured. _'If he never told you, why would he willingly tell me?'_ Then she recalled his words and actions near the forest and blushed. Perhaps there was more to him than even she knew…

"Instead, I volunteered our protection to Nazuna and the shrine she stayed in." Kagome winced, "I didn't even notice that the head priest was actually the head of the youkai gathering there. It was early into our journey and I wasn't familiar with my powers at all."

Kikyou nodded and motioned for Kagome to continue, despite the exhaustion that darkened the girl's eyes. Before she could, though, InuYasha interjected. "I still think we should have gone. Miroku's been using his kazaana too often; he's putting himself in danger when he shouldn't."

Kagome rolled her eyes. "You'd know all about that, wouldn't you?" Seeing the disgruntled look on InuYasha's face, she plowed ahead, "And besides, don't you think Sango would like some time alone with Miroku once in a while?"

"Are they not going to slay the youkai?" Kikyou questioned. "That is hardly a romantic atmosphere."

Kagome's eyes actually gained a small sparkle as she clasped her hands together. "I don't know… sometimes being in battle with a person has its advantages."

Kikyou caught the look Kagome shot at InuYasha and was only barely able to stop herself from making a catty comment. She was always much more emotional after taking in more of Kagome's power… "Perhaps you should lie down," she suggested calmly, once she had gotten a hold of herself. "Even if you don't wish to sleep, it will be better for you."

-888-

"And now, we wait." Miroku settled on the ground, shifting to get comfortable as he, Sango and Kirara stared out over the open plain. He'd offered to let her go back and catch some sleep; Sango had shot him down rather harshly.

A silence descended between them.

After a while, Miroku sighed and finally asked the question on his mind. "You honestly think I'm going to try wooing the bone-extracting youkai woman?"

"It's not that I was thinking that," Sango responded after a moment. Miroku looked at her curiously. "Truthfully, I'm… I remember what Kikyou said. Your wounds from Naraku's shouki will widen when you use your kazaana, remember?"

"Sango, you're…" Miroku was shocked. Did she worry about him?

Sango cleared her throat. "You shouldn't exert yourself! Please… tell me the truth. How is your body holding up?"

She'd just finished the question when he pulled her close to him, wrapping his arms around her. Sango flushed as she realized her face was buried in his chest… she could hear his heart beat.

"You are so kind to me, Sango!"

"M-Miroku…"

He rested his head on hers. "Don't worry, I'm perfectly fine."

"Y-you're sure?" She cursed herself for stuttering; what was it about this man that made her feel like a fool? _'I love him…'_ Sango clenched her eyes shut and saw remnants of Kaou's illusion. _'No!_' She couldn't afford this now. Kohaku had to come first… She managed to gain some composure by pushing herself away – to look him in the face, she told herself. "You're all right now?"

"Yes," he responded quickly. Almost too quickly… his eyes were closed. She couldn't see them. It made her suspicious, but Miroku's gasp drew her attention to behind her, where a growing youki had caused Kirara to bristle…

It was a woman. A woman with a carriage filled with skeletons, let by the bones of an ox. _'The youkai?' _The woman made it halfway across the plain before a pack of wolves stopped her, growling hungrily. She didn't stop; instead, she reached out toward a wolf brave enough to attack…

And removed the skeleton from the body.

"That's the youkai!" Miroku yelled.

Sango hurled her weapon with a shout at the woman and the clothing flew up, empty.

"Hiraikotsu, you say," the youkai said with a smirk, "how wonderful… such a high-quality bone!"

With that, the mysterious woman was gone, a trail of bones in her wake.

* * *

Parts of this chapter correspond with the manga chapters 481: "Bones"

My sincerest apologies for the wait time on this chapter. Every time I try to work on this, something else sneaks its way into my brain. Like ridiculous amounts of "something else" and I don't get it.

Add that to health and work issues… let's just say it hasn't been the best of months. I appreciate the patience!

As always, my overwhelming gratitude and love go out to my beta, angelica_incarnate. I've said it before and will say it again: "I don't know what I'd do without you."

My thanks also go out to LuxKen27, who nominated _Control. Infirmity. Defiance._ for Best Action/Adventure at the InuYasha Fan Guild. Nominations continue through July 14. Profuse gratitude also goes out to the kind people who nominated my other works.

Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha or any other characters from the anime/manga. They all belong to Rumiko Takahashi.


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